I Was Twelve Years Old
by Lia76
Summary: Daniel must confront his abusive childhood past. Will he let Jack give him the support he needs to finally come to terms with it? Now complete.
1. I Was Twelve Years Old

I Was Twelve Years Old

"Do you want something, Daniel?" Jack said in a voice that indicated his irritation at being interrupted, his eyes never leaving the report he was reading. Once he finally started doing his paperwork, he hated to stop until the torture was finished. Daniel had been hovering in the doorway to his office for at least five minutes now. He had contemplated seeing how long Daniel would stand there before either coming in or leaving, but had decided against it.

"Actually, yes. I do want something," Daniel said as he entered the office and sat down opposite his friend and commanding officer. It still felt strange sometimes to see Jack behind the desk instead of General Hammond. It usually worked to his advantage. He wasn't so sure about that this time. It probably would have been easier to lie to General Hammond. Jack knew him too well.

When Daniel didn't continue speaking, Jack put down his pen with a huff. Daniel smiled. "If you're not ready, I can wait."

"Is this going to be quick, or should I go to the bathroom first?" Jack said sarcastically.

"Funny. Jack, I would like to request some time off," Daniel said.

"Time off? You? That's almost like Carter asking for time off. Doesn't happen. What's going on?" Jack said suspiciously, leaning forward to study his friend's face for any clues. His need to complete his reports was all but forgotten now.

"I have been uh..." Daniel paused. His prepared lie had sounded perfect in his head from rehearsing it so many times, but now he found himself stumbling over the words. Jack had that affect on people, including him. "I was invited to join an archeology dig by some friends of mine and I would really like the opportunity to go. I haven't seen them in awhile, and this is a chance of a lifetime. We will be excavating the remains of the lost civilization of-"

"No," Jack said, cutting him off, not taking his eyes off of Daniel.

"No? Why not? Not enough notice? Because we have a mission coming up? It's not for a week, so I'm sure we could find a replacement for me-"

"No," Jack answered again.

"Then why not?" Daniel asked with a sigh.

"Because you're lying. And I hate lying," Jack said. "Tell me the real reason you want time off and I'll consider it," Jack said. After about thirty seconds of this uncomfortable scrutiny, Daniel looked away. Big mistake, Daniel silently cursed himself. Jack would surely know he was lying now.

Daniel opened his mouth to speak, desperately thinking of something plausible to say. He was saved by the bell, or rather by the ring. The telephone on Jack's desk rang loudly, and Jack held up his finger to silence Daniel.

"General O'Neill," Jack answered. "Good morning, Mr. President," Jack answered after pausing for a moment. He mouthed, "This isn't over," to Daniel before swinging around in his chair to face the wall. "I'd be happy to tell you all about it, Sir,"

Daniel walked out of the office, not daring to sigh with relief until he was in the hall. Time for plan B, Daniel said to himself as he headed for the parking lot. Once in his SUV, he stared at his overnight bag for a moment before turning his key in the ignition. He would tell Jack all about it when it was over. Well, probably anyway.

Daniel tried to ignore his cell as it rang for the millionth time. He looked at the screen. Jack. Just like all the other times. He turned off his phone and put it back into his pocket as he approached the counter.

"Round trip ticket, please," Daniel told the young woman as he took out his credit card.

"Where to, sir?" The woman asked. Minutes later, after the reservation was complete, the woman handed Daniel his credit card and ticket.

"Okay, sir. You're all set. Your flight boards in a half an hour. While you wait, please feel free to browse our shops or have some breakfast at any of our fine restaurants."

"Thank you," Daniel said as he took his ticket and walked away from the counter. Taking his seat he rubbed the ticket between his fingers. He was going through with it. He was going back. Breakfast, Daniel thought. He hadn't eaten since yesterday. It was the only way he could keep from throwing up.

Daniel was startled awake by a pounding on his hotel room door. He put on his glasses and glanced at the digital clock between the two beds. Midnight.

"Daniel!" Daniel was momentarily paralyzed. How did he find him? What would he say to Jack? He walked to the door, knowing full well that if he didn't let him in, Jack would wake up the whole hotel and get them both thrown out. He unlocked the door and squinted from the bright light of the hallway.

"What do you want, Jack?" Daniel asked as Jack followed him back into the room.

"I said it wasn't over and I meant it. Usually I don't have to get on a plane to finish a conversation." Jack said as he sat in one of the chairs by the small wooden table.

"How did you find me?" Daniel asked as he sat down in the other chair.

"Your credit card. Being a General does have its perks,"

"Aren't you needed at the SGC?" Daniel asked.

"Yes, and so are you. So obviously, why you went awol must be important. And now, I am ready to listen. No reports, no phones," Jack said.

"Look, Jack. As much as I enjoy talking to you, I have to get some sleep. I have an early day tomorrow," Daniel said as he stood.

"Daniel, what is going on? Are you in trouble?" Jack asked.

"Jack, not now," Daniel said as he climbed back into bed. "There's another bed if you want it," Daniel clicked off the light, leaving Jack sitting in the dark.

Curiouser and Curiouser, Jack thought as he took off his jacket and shoes and layed down on the other bed. They say that things always looked better in the morning. Jack hoped they were right.

Daniel straightened his tie again as he tried to keep his mind off of where they were going. He told Jack to drive him to the courthouse, and how to get there. He didn't tell Jack why, and he was relieved when Jack didn't ask. Jack would find out soon enough anyway. Daniel's shoulders felt tight, and his stomach was in knots. Goodie, just like old times. Soon they would be there. Soon he would see him.

Daniel walked into the courtroom and walked half-way up the aisle between the rows of wooden benches. Jack took a seat in one in the back. Daniel was glad when Jack didn't follow him, but he was glad that he was there. Jack was a reminder of who Daniel was now, and that gave him strength.

"Daniel!" A woman in her early thirties said as she rushed towards him and gave him a hug. Daniel slowly put his arms around her as he struggled to remember her name. Could it be Char?

"Charlotte?" Daniel asked.

"Yes! I am so glad that you are here Daniel. I wasn't sure who would show up to testify." Daniel didn't want to be rude, but he didn't want to talk anymore right now. It was a lot to take in. A court official announced for everyone to take their seats. "I'll talk with you more later, Daniel," she said before walking away and taking a seat in the back.

Daniel sat down a few rows from the front. The room silenced as an old man in handcuffs was lead to his seat. Was that Johnson? He looked nothing like Daniel remembered. This man was thin and frail, with little hair and sunken eyes. Maybe Johnson was sorry. Maybe Johnson was no longer the man he was. Maybe he shouldn't testify against him….Daniel's thoughts were interrupted by an older woman crying on the other side of the aisle. A man, that Daniel assumed was her husband, was attempting to comfort her. Yes, Daniel remembered them too. They were his parents. Adam's. A woman at the front of the room in a red suit began to speak, but Daniel heard nothing. His mind flashed on Charlotte's broken arm, John's bloody lip, Linda's red marks on her back, his own black eye looking back at him in the mirror, Adam's contorted body at the bottom of the stairs... There were so many kids, so many times. Five years they had been punished. Five long years. Daniel looked back at Jack, who smiled faintly at him. Daniel swallowed and formed his hands into fists. No, he would testify. He would tell his story. They should have been safe at that boys and girls club. Johnson would not get his parole. When Daniel's name was called, he took the seat at the front of the room. He looked at Jack again, and without taking his eyes off of him, began to speak in a strong voice.

"My name is Dr. Daniel Jackson. I was twelve years old."

Thank you for reading my short story. I may do a follow-up piece or add another chapter if there is interest.


	2. Poor Dead Rabbit

Chapter 2: Poor Dead Rabbit

"Daniel?" Jack asked gently.

"Huh?" Daniel answered a moment later. The constant movement and sound of the wiper blades was almost hypnotizing. He felt completely exhausted, yet on edge at the same time. Almost like when he pulled all-nighters in college while popping caffeine pills with coffee.

"You okay?" Jack asked as he stopped at a red light.

Daniel looked at Jack and began to laugh. Somehow that question was the funniest thing he had ever heard. When the light turned green, Jack pulled the rental car over to the side of the road. Daniel felt something wet on his face. Tears. Of joy? Sadness? Horror? Suddenly, the car was too small. It was too much. It was too real.

Daniel hurried out of the car, and began walking. He didn't care if it was raining. Maybe God was having a bad day too.

"Daniel! Daniel, stop!" Jack yelled as he quickly turned off the ignition and rushed after his friend. Grabbing Daniel's shoulder to pull him around he said, "Say something!"

Daniel shook his head as he jerked his shoulder away from Jack's grasp. He stumbled over to a nearby bench and sat, or rather fell, onto it. It was more energy than he had to sit down gracefully. Jack sat down next to his friend. He wasn't sure what to do, but he knew one thing. Daniel had always been there for him, and he was going to do his best to be there for him now.

Daniel raised his head as something on the roadway caught his eye.

"You see that dead rabbit over there, Jack? It's so small. So helpless. It did it's best to stay alive, but try as it might it never really had a chance. The odds were just too great. That…" Daniel's voice wavered and he paused a moment to compose himself. "That was Adam. A poor rabbit. A poor dead rabbit." More tears glistened in Daniel's blue eyes. Blinking, they glided slowly down his cheeks.

"Go on," Jack urged.

"What? What do you want me to say? You already heard it all!" Daniel yelled as he stood.

"No, I heard you talk about what happened to Adam. You ever tell anyone about what happened to you?" Jack asked.

"Me? You want to hear about how he made me feel? About how his left eye twitched when he hit…so…hard? How mad he got if I didn't cry? How I provoked him on purpose to protect the other kids?" Daniel hissed, unable to take his eyes off of the dead rabbit.

"Yes," Jack answered as he stood and put his hand on Daniel's arm. A sob caught in Daniel's throat as that word echoed in his head. No jokes this time from Jack. No sarcasm, no avoidance. Yes. One simple word. One simple, yet powerful word. Daniel looked at Jack, his friend standing out in the rain with him. He could tell him about what happened to him. He would listen. He would care. He would believe him. Why did it matter so much so years later? Daniel closed his eyes for a moment, as he wrapped his arms around himself.

"I don't even know where to begin," Daniel whispered.

"I have always found that the best place to start is at the beginning," Jack suggested. "But first let's get back to the car. My old bones tell me it's going to be quite a soaker. Come on," Jack said as he gently led Daniel to the car.

Back in the car, Daniel closed his eyes and leaned his head back, letting the sound of the pounding rain wash over him. It was already getting dark, the setting sun casting the car into varying degrees of colored light and shadow. Jack started the car to take his wet and exhausted friend back to the hotel. For this very important conversation, Jack could wait.

Daniel sat up quickly. "No, Jack. I want to talk here."

"Daniel, you're exhausted."

"No, please. I need to do this now," Daniel insisted. Jack sighed and turned off the ignition.

"I'm listening. Whenever you're ready," Jack said.

Daniel nodded and took something out of his jacket pocket. A cigarette.

"I quit…a long time ago. But I just need…" Daniel tried to explain.

"It's okay," Jack assured him. With a shaking hand, Daniel lit the cigarette. He took a long drag and blew it out slowly, as he struggled to put his thoughts into words.

I'm writing the next chapter as fast as I can, but I'm a bit of a perfectionist! I don't mean to leave you all hanging, but I'm never sure if you would like the chapters as I finish them, or post only when I'm all done with the story. Let me know what you think about that and this chapter, and thank you for all the wonderful reviews!


	3. That First Car Ride

Chapter 3: That First Car Ride

Daniel took a final drag of his cigarette, and threw it out the window. Funny how quickly old habits became familiar again. He hated that he already wanted another one.

"Jack, I'm…I'm sorry. For the crying and the dramatics-" Daniel said as he looked out the window. He quickly looked away, the window like a mirror because of the night sky. He didn't want to look into his own eyes. It was unsettling how frightened he looked.

"Daniel, look at me." Daniel turned to Jack, finding it suddenly difficult to look him in the eye. "Don't make excuses for your feelings. There's nothing to apologize for," Jack said.

"Wow. That was uh…," Daniel said, struggling to find the right words.

"Intelligent? Supportive? I know, rare for me. I may not always show it, okay, maybe never show it, but friendships like the one we have mean a lot to me. I want to be there for you and help you work through this. You would do the same for me."

"Thank you, Jack. I…can't put it into words how much I appreciate your being here," Daniel said as he studied his jacket button as if it was the most interesting thing in the world. "It's tempting to… just hide it away again. It would be easier," Daniel paused a moment before speaking again. "You know it's funny how well I can still remember everything," Daniel shook his head. "I can even remember that first car ride over with Ms. Carol…"

"This is your last chance, Daniel. You heard the judge. It's this or juvenile hall. And juvenile hall is no place for a boy like you. So please, make the most of this opportunity. You may even enjoy yourself," The young woman said as she pulled the car into the parking lot of the East End Boys and Girls Club. Daniel didn't tell her that it was the last place he wanted to be at that moment. He liked this caseworker. She was nice to him. He tried hard not to like her too much though. The nice ones always left.

"Okay, Daniel?" She asked as she pulled the car into a parking space.

"Yeah. Whatever," Daniel mumbled as he pushed his long brown hair out of his eyes to get a better look at this "opportunity." The small brick building looked very unimpressive.

She sighed and turned towards Daniel. "Now that wasn't a very positive response. I really think you'll like it here. You'll be participating in a special after-school program for children who would benefit from extra attention and guidance," she explained.

"You mean delinquents," Daniel said, crossing his arms.

"I don't like you referring to yourself in that negative manner," she said.

"Whatever," Daniel mumbled again. He liked the word whatever. It usually described his thoughts perfectly while making adults very angry at the same time.

"Oh, Daniel. Come on, let's go." He followed her up the steps and through the double glass doors. They stopped at the front desk.

"Hello Mrs. Ream. It's nice to see you again," she said as she shook an older woman's hand.

"Hello Ms. Carol. And this must be Daniel. Hello, Daniel. You ready to have some fun and learn something new?" The older woman asked.

"Whatever," Daniel answered as he shoved his hands in his pockets.

"Daniel," Ms. Carol said.

"Sorry. Whatever, Mrs. Ream," Daniel said sarcastically. Mrs. Ream smiled.

"It's okay, Ms. Carol. You can pick him up at six. We'll take good care of him," She said putting her arm around him. Daniel shrugged it off quickly to show his protest.

"Bye, Daniel. Please at least give it a chance," Ms. Carol said before turning to leave. The older woman led Daniel down a hallway lined with posters portraying happy families and the dangers of smoking or doing drugs. Mrs. Ream's heels clicked loudly on the floor as she walked. They walked up a flight of steps at the end of the hall, and then turned into a classroom.

"Here we are," she announced as they entered. "Mr. Johnson? You last STAR is here." Walking over to talk to a strong-looking middle-aged man, she left Daniel by himself for a moment.

"Star?" Daniel mumbled to himself.

"Students To Achieve Re-Integration. Hi, I'm Charlotte," A redheaded girl said with a smile as she rocked back and forth on her heels. Daniel was momentarily distracted by the way her pigtails swayed with her movements.

"What?" Daniel asked, confused.

"This group is for problem kids. You know that, right? What's your problem? Mine, I started a couple of fires. My parents kind of freaked out," She explained.

"I stole some stuff, no big deal," Daniel said, uncomfortable with her questions. All he wanted to do was get out of there. He had stolen a cigarette from Ms. Carol's purse and he was dying to smoke it.

"Oh, okay. Well, that's John, he stole beer and stuff from his dad," she said as she pointed to a tall boy standing in the corner. "And Linda, the blonde girl over there, she doesn't like to eat."

She paused for moment as she looked around the room. Pointing to a stocky brown-haired boy she said, "Tyler's a bully and doesn't know 'how to interact appropriately with his peers.' Grace likes to hurt animals, I think. And that dark-haired short kid is Adam. He doesn't talk much so I don't know why he's here," She stopped talking as the lights flickered on and off.

"Attention, kids. Come sit on the carpet here," Mrs. Ream said loudly. She waited a moment for the kids to sit down. Daniel sat in the back. If only he could get out the door unnoticed.

"Okay, very good. I have met all of you already, but I am very excited to introduce Mr. Johnson. You will all be getting to know each other very well, and I hope you…." Daniel rolled his eyes as he moved up onto his feet. Still squatting, he wondered if he could sneak out now while she was talking. Daniel felt a hand firmly push him back down. He looked up to see Mr. Johnson smile down at him. He had small blue eyes, and yellowish teeth.

"Going somewhere? We didn't even get to know each other yet," He said as he walked to the front of the group.

"….Have a great day kids. Mr. Johnson?" Mrs. Ream ended as she headed to the door to leave the classroom.

"Thank you for the wonderful introduction Mrs. Ream. Kids, listen up. We will be spending everyday after school together. We will have a lot of fun, but there are rules. And if you break the rules, there will be consequences," Mr. Johnson said as he looked directly at Daniel. "But I'm sure that it won't come to that. It would be a shame for us to waste any time that we have together," Mr. Johnson said with a bigsmile. Daniel had a bad feeling that it wasn't going to be any fun at all. Maybe juvenile hall would have been better. It probably would have been easier to smoke.

"Jack, I think… well, those first few weeks he didn't do anything overtly wrong, but I felt like there was something not quite right about him. I didn't know what yet, of course, but the way he spoke, and smiled, and acted made me very uncomfortable," Daniel said as he took out another cigarette. He held it in his hand, but he didn't want to want to smoke it. That was something the old Daniel needed to do. Not him now. He wasn't the same person anymore. He put his hand back into his pocket, but couldn't seem to make his hand let go of the cigarette.

"Just like that first car ride, Jack, I remember when it all started, the first time he yelled, the first time hit me. Every detail of that day is burned into my mind. I used to think about it constantly to see if there was something I did to make him... Anyway, there was this closet in the back of the classroom. He used to take the kids into it, to help him get supplies. Or so I thought until one day, he told me to go in there with him…"

I know this chapter was very short, but I will write more soon. I hope my switching between past and present wasn't too confusing! I promise the next chapter will cover much more material. Thank you very much to all the readers, and especially for the wonderful reviews!


	4. In the Dark

Chapter 4: In the Dark

"Cigarettes," Daniel said as he again took the cigarette out of his pocket. After lighting it, he watched the tip change from white to black and then to red. "Both my saving grace and my downfall. You know that sometimes he would bribe me with them? And the worse it got, the more I needed them. I even started stealing again to support my habit. By the end of those five years, I was smoking at least two packs a day, more if I could get them," Daniel explained as he took another drag. He felt instantly better, yet sickened at the same time, just like he used to at the Boys and Girls Club. He didn't want those cigarettes from him, but he needed them too much to turn them down. Daniel watched the cigarette burn down a little further before continuing.

"The first month I didn't want to talk to anyone, and I didn't want to do anything but the bare minimum in that program. My only goal was to stay out of juvenile hall. I would say that Char tried to talk to me the most, but I was a twelve year-old boy. I didn't want to talk to an eight year-old, especially one who was a girl. After that first time, that changed of course. Everything changed…"

When Daniel walked into the classroom, the other kids were already sitting on the circular orange carpet. He knew that he was late, but he didn't care. He tried to convince Ms. Carol that he was sick, but she didn't buy it. At least his efforts wasted a half an hour. This STAR Program was getting real old, real fast.

"Mr. Jackson. So kind of you to grace us with your presence," Mr. Johnson said. "If you can fit it into your social calendar, please join us on the carpet." Mr. Johnson paused while he waited for Daniel to sit. Daniel started to sit down in the back of the group when Mr. Johnson spoke again. "You know I missed you so much," Mr. Johnson said sarcastically, "I would like you to sit in the front today." Daniel rolled his eyes as he sat down.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Am I boring you? We were just about to begin an art project. Maybe you would like to help me get the supplies together," Mr. Johnson said in a tone indicating that he was not amused by Daniel's behavior.

"Whatever," Daniel said, while looking down at his shoes.

"What did you say?" Mr. Johnson said, the volume of his voice increasing with each word. The other children were suddenly a lot more interested in their conversation.

"I…said…whatever," Daniel said pausing between each word. He was so tired of this. He didn't belong there. He was older than the other kids, and hadn't stolen anything since he got caught. Mr. Johnson stood, towering over the sitting children. Daniel looked up, looking him right in the eye. He was also tired of Mr. Johnson.

"Mr. Jackson, you will help me get the supplies right now!" Mr. Johnson yelled. The other children shrunk a bit at the towering man's booming voice. "Kids, get in your seats!" The kids scrambled for their seats. Daniel didn't move.

"Mr. Jackson, I said now!"

"Whatever," Daniel said as he got up and walked over to the closet. He flipped on the light for the large closet, opened the door, and walked inside. Suddenly the light turned off. He turned around quickly when he heard the door slam behind him.

"What-" Daniel's question was cut short by a hard punch to his stomach. The wind knocked out of him, Daniel doubled up and began to fall forward. Someone caught him, and roughly shoved him against the cabinet, the shelf painfully jabbing him in his back. Daniel yelped and struggled to breath; shocked, scared, confused, and in pain. He couldn't get loose from the strong hands pinning him to the cabinet. He felt hot breath on his face.

"You little punk. If youEVER disrespect me like that again, you will be sorry," Mr. Johnson yelled. He let go of Daniel, and Daniel fell hard onto the floor. Wheezing, he was unable to do anything other than try to catch his breath.

"I will let you out when I think you are ready," Daniel looked up as Mr. Johnson opened the door. He looked even more intimidating at that moment, but Daniel refused to give him the satisfaction of crying. Mr. Johnson would be sorry. He would never have to come back, and Mr. Johnson would be fired. After roughly gathering some art supplies, Mr. Johnson slammed the door. Daniel was again left in the dark, his coughing the only sound. Daniel crawled over to the door, not yet able to stand. With great effort he reached up to the doorknob and turned it. It was locked. Daniel crawled back over to sit against the cabinet. He willed himself not to cry. Pulling his knees to his chest, he waited.

"He let me out a half an hour later," Daniel explained as he chewed on his lip. "When I was in there, all I could think about was how much I hated him and the whole STAR program. I also remember thinking that I was glad he hit me because it meant I would never have to go back. Can you believe that? Glad he hit me?" Daniel said as he shook his head.

"What happened?" Jack asked scanning Daniel's face.

"What happened? Well, not what I expected," Daniel answered. "I never could have imagined what happened next…"

Daniel stood quickly as he heard the closet doorknob turn. The door opened, and Daniel squinted against the light.

"Get to your seat and do your art project," Mr. Johnson said through clenched teeth. Stepping aside, Daniel walked by him and took his seat at the small round table. Daniel looked up to see the wall clock and caught Charlotte looking at him from across the room. Her usual smile was gone. She looked away quickly and returned to her work. Daniel half-heartedly began to draw on his paper. Only forty-five minutes left until freedom.

When Ms. Carol walked in the room, Daniel rushed over to her.

"Ms. Carol! I have to tell you something! Mr. Johnson-" Daniel said excitedly before Ms. Carol cut him off.

"Daniel, stop. Mr. Johnson told me all about your behavior today. I'm very disappointed," Ms. Carol said.

"What?" Daniel asked in disbelief.

"Ms. Carol. Nice to see you again," Mr. Johnson said as he walked over to the pair. After shaking her hand, he said, " I appreciate you talking to me on the phone today. It's wonderful that Daniel has such an involved caseworker. Daniel's a little rough around the edges, but I think with some extra work we can really help him reach all of his goals," Mr. Johnson said as he smiled and put his hand on Daniel's shoulder.

"F you!" Daniel yelled at him as he shoved his hand off of him.

"Daniel Jackson! We do not use such language!" Ms. Carol scolded.

"He punched me and shoved me! He, he locked me in the closet!" Daniel yelled, pointing to the back of the room. He didn't care if the other kids heard. He didn't care if the whole damn building heard.

"Daniel," Ms. Carol said calmly. "We talked about lying this afternoon. I know you don't like being here, but I think if you gave it a chance-"

"I'm not lying now!" Daniel yelled, tears forming in his eyes.

"Daniel, we can talk about this in the car. The other children do not need to be disturbed by your accusations. We WILL see you tomorrow, Mr. Johnson," Ms. Carol said as she handed Daniel his coat.

"Goodbye Ms. Carol. Daniel, I hope that we can talk some more about this tomorrow and really begin to do some good work together," Mr. Johnson said. Daniel shook his head, refusing to say another useless word. She didn't believe him. She really didn't believe him. Mr. Johnson had gotten to her. Gotten to his Ms. Carol.

"Not only did she not believe me, she spent the whole car ride home telling me her recommendations on how I could improve my relationship with Mr. Johnson," Daniel laughed, but there was no happiness in his voice.

"Ms. Carol," Daniel said and then paused as if lost in a memory. "That…that really hurt me that day, Jack. Much, much more than anything Mr. Johnson did. She did confront me about it later, when Johnson got sloppy and my clothes no longer completely hid the bruising or the marks," Daniel rubbed his arm as if remembering an old injury. "But by that point I knew I had to deny it to stay in the program. The other kids needed me too much…"

Thank you for reading this chapter. As always, thank you for all of the wonderful reviews. I promise to write the next chapter as quickly as my schedule will allow!


	5. Faster and Faster

Ch.5: Faster and Faster

"Did the other kids try to tell anyone about Johnson?" Jack asked. He noticed his hands were gripping the steering wheel so tightly in anger that they were turning white. He quickly put them in his lap. Didn't anyone try to help these poor kids, he also asked himself, but didn't say out-loud.

"I spoke with Charlotte the next day and realized that the other kids were too scared to say anything. It…it was like he knew everyone's worst fear and threatened them with it, including me…" Daniel started to explain.

"My, Daniel, you seem excited to get to the program today. Have you had a change of heart?" Ms. Carol asked as she pulled into a parking space at the Boys and Girls Club. Daniel had found it difficult to sit still during the car ride. He had to talk to Charlotte. He couldn't think of anything else. Jumping out of the car before she even turned off the ignition, he hurried up the steps. Ms. Carol smiled as she followed behind him. As Daniel entered the classroom, he looked around for Charlotte. He saw her playing by herself at one of the tables. He rushed over to her, and looked around for Mr. Johnson before beginning to speak. He was talking to Ms. Carol. Now was his chance.

"Charlotte, I have to talk to you," Daniel whispered quickly.

"Do you want to play Star Wars with me? You can be Luke or Hans. I'll be Princess Leah. I love her hair. I wish I could do my hair like that," Charlotte said, without looking up from the action figures.

"I want to talk about Mr. Johnson. I've seen him go into the closet with you. Did he hurt you in there like he did to me?" Daniel asked while darting his eyes around the room.

"I would love to have an ewok for a pet, wouldn't you? I would make them outfits-" Charlotte answered, still not looking up from her toys.

"Stop it! I don't care about that! What about Mr. Johnson?" Daniel said, impatient now. Charlotte looked up at him, tears in her eyes.

"We can play something else if you want…" She said her hands shaking, as she made the figures dance together. Daniel grabbed the figures from her hands and threw them at the wall.

"Shut up about the stupid toys!" Daniel yelled. "I'm sorry," He apologized as he retrieved her toys. Handing them back to her he said, "Charlotte, I need your help. We can go to Mrs. Ream together. Please," Daniel pleaded. Charlotte stood and backed away.

"What?" Daniel asked, confused. Then he felt the hand on his shoulder.

"Mr. Jackson, a word please," Mr. Johnson said as he pulled Daniel around. Crouching down he looked Daniel directly in the eye. "We do not throw toys and we do not yell. Follow me please," Mr. Johnson said politely.

"No," Daniel said firmly as he wretched his shoulder away. If no one would help him, not Ms. Carol or Charlotte, he would have to help himself. His eyes darted to the door. It was on the other side of the room. If Mr. Johnson tried to stop him, he would scream. That would definitely get someone's attention. Daniel stepped quickly to the side ready to run for the door, but Mr. Johnson pushed him to the floor before he got his chance. Daniel's head hit the floor when he fell, and he was momentarily stunned. Mr. Johnson picked him up and started walking to the back of the room. Daniel caught glimpses of some of the children's faces as they passed. They didn't look even a little bit shocked. Everyone knew what was going to happen, where he was going. So did Daniel. He tried to yell, but wasn't sure if he made a sound at all. The buzzing in his ears was too loud.

Again he was in the closet with Mr. Johnson, and again the lights were out. Daniel scurried into the corner, his head throbbing relentlessly. He felt robbed of all of his energy. He knew there was no way out, no way to avoid what was going to happen. When the ringing in his ears subsided and the room stopped spinning, he heard the sound of metal clinking.

"I'm going to teach you another lesson, Mr. Jackson. You apparently didn't take my lessons to heart the first time, and you now force me to take a different, more severe, approach," Mr. Johnson said, as he hauled Daniel up and pressed his face against the wall. Daniel squirmed but the man's grip was too strong. Suddenly he felt a searing pain across his back. His knees buckled, but Mr. Johnson held him in place.

"You will NOT interrupt my classroom," Thwack. "You will NOT upset my students," Thack. "You will NOT disrespect your elders," Thwack. "You will NOT disobey," Thwack…

"I lost track of how many times he hit me with his belt, and I don't even remember how I got back onto the floor," Daniel recalled to Jack. "I do remember what he said to me next. I can hear his voice very clearly…"

Daniel shook his head to clear his vision, why was it so dark? Where was he? As Daniel remembered what was going on, he struggled to figure out if Johnson was still in the closet with him. He held his breath and listened. He didn't hear anything. He was blessedly alone. He wiped the tears from his face. He hurried to stand, and cried out when his back objected to the quick movement. The pain was excruciating. Suddenly the door flew open, and Daniel squinted as the bright fluorescent light of the classroom flooded the closet. Johnson entered again and shut the door behind him, but kept the light on this time.

"Did you finally learn your lessons today, Mr. Jackson?" he asked as he stood over Daniel with his arms crossed.

"I'll sh-sh-sh-show them what you did," Daniel whimpered. Daniel was angry with himself for how pathetic and weak his voice sounded. Johnson kneeled down in front of Daniel until he was at eye level.

"Go ahead. I'll tell everyone what your _foster parents_ did to you, and how I'd like to be your new foster parent. Hell, maybe I'll even adopt you. Then we can have lessons together every day," Johnson smiled, stood, and opened the door. He began to laugh as Daniel rushed as fast as he could out of the closet. Quickly he walked over to Charlotte, who was again playing with the Star Wars figures as she waited for her mother to pick her up. Daniel winced as he took a seat at her table. Without a word she handed him Luke Skywalker, Hans Solo, AND her ewok. Daniel appreciated the gesture.

"I played with her every day after that. In the beginning, I would pretend I was Luke Skywalker or Hans Solo," Daniel remembered. "It was a fantasy world that we could escape to. Later on we would escape into ancient civilizations that I learned about in my books. I guess I could even credit Johnson for that renewed obsession for archeology. Anyway, I never brought up Mr. Johnson to Charlotte again, and I never learned about her until after Adam's death. I realize now that not talking about it alienated us from each other as much as his closing that closet door, but we were all so desperate for any kind of relief. Smoking was my other relief, of course. That evening when Ms. Carol picked me up, and we got in her car, I could see a whole carton of cigarettes through one of her plastic shopping bags. I HAD to have them. I lied and told her that there was a paper she had to sign at the front desk. She went back into the school, and I put the carton into my backpack. I hoped that she would think the cashier forgot to put them in her bag, but frankly I didn't really care. When we got home, I smoked a whole pack before going inside, another after dinner, and one that night when I couldn't sleep. The pain kept me up, but I was afraid to tell my foster parents. They were nice, and I could have ended up with much worse. I wasn't about to jeopardize that. That was my twelve year-old thinking anyway," Daniel stopped in mid-sentence and swallowed. He felt the need to pause for a moment before continuing.

Jack shook his head, and punched the steering wheel. "Daniel, I gotta go, uh…" He was so angry that he wanted to hit somebody, shoot at something…He had to do _something_. Jack gave up trying to think of an excuse and suddenly jumped out of the car. After slamming the door, he began to walk quickly down the middle of the dark street.

"Jack?" Daniel yelled out the window. Jack began to run. Faster and faster, the rain running down his face, neck, and back…

Thank you for reading this chapter. Sorry it is a bit shorter than I originally intended, but I didn't want you readers to have to wait any longer! Next chapter: Jack's Reaction


	6. Pouring Down

Chapter 6: Pouring Down

Thanks again to all my readers and reviewers. Sorry again for the long delay. I hope to get up the next, and likely final, chapter soon. Enjoy!

Faster and faster, harder and harder, Jack's feet hit the ground as he ran. He felt instantly better to be moving, to be doing something, _anything. _He was always a doer rather than a talker, and talking with Daniel about a past he could do nothing to help him change made him feel even more useless. Any action was usually better than no action, although Daniel's life could hardly be evaluated as if a battle plan. Or could it? Jack rubbed his face on his now soaked shirt as he rounded the corner, his feet splashing loudly in the quickly forming puddles.

Emotion should never be a factor in the solution to anything, although Jack could do nothing to separate his anger from his rationality now. Where was he when Daniel was being hurt? What was he doing when Daniel was being humiliated? He knew he hadn't even heard the worst of it yet. Had he read about the court case in the papers? Those many years ago, had he even been thinking of anyone other than himself? Would he have even cared to think much more than "too bad" or "tough break?" He liked to think so. He was younger then, yes, but he always felt the need to protect others and defend certain values and beliefs. He had joined the military at age eighteen because he had wanted to, not because he had to. If he had known Daniel then, what would he have done? Would he have pounded the sick bastard into the ground or…or worse? How fair was it that he had a great childhood and Daniel, and so many other children, didn't? How fair was it that at age twelve he was thinking about avoiding homework and playing baseball while Daniel was thinking about avoiding being hit and yelled at? What could be done for these children? What could be done for Daniel now?

He sighed as sat down on the curb, and he closed his eyes for a moment. The constant rainwas soothing somehow, and he felt his racing heart begin to slow. He only hoped that the rain could lead him to some idea on how to help Daniel as well. He started this with Daniel and it was up to him to help him finish it.

A few moments later a loud tapping noise interrupted Jack's thoughts. He stood and looked around for the source of the repetitive sound. It intensified as he walked across the street towards a dark store window. Only a tree branch, Jack decided as he began to turn away. Suddenly movement on the glass caught his eye. Spinning around quickly, a lone streetlight shed light on nothing suspicious. He turned back to the large window and stepped closer to get a better look. Shadows from the trees? Jack wondered. The wind increased suddenly and the tree branch began to strike the window again, this time almost unbearably loud. Jack stared in disbelief as the strange shadows, although continuing to constantly shift, seemed to form an almost face-like image on the glass. A face that somehow looked familiar. Jack gasped and stumbled back as images of his son slammed into him, flashing quickly through his mind. As suddenly as it had started, the wind stopped. It was again calm except for the ever-falling rain. Rushing back to the glass, Jack traced his fingers along the slick glass where the unexplainable image had appeared only seconds ago. Jack was unable to move from that spot for a moment as he tried to process what, if anything, had just happened.

The need to comprehend it ceased as Jack suddenly realized that he knew what to do. How to help Daniel. Jack had felt so helpless before, unsure of how he who had not gone through the same experiences as Daniel could lend any insight or support. He understood now that he did know all along. He had lost his son many years ago. But not just his son. His refusal to deal with his son's death had had far reaching effects. He had shut everything and everyone out. His marriage failed. His whole life changed. And not for the better. It wasn't better for a long time. Until he faced it. He would NOT let that happen to Daniel. If Daniel did not deal with ALL of this now, then he was doomed to have it tear apart his life as Jack's inability to deal with his son's death had done to his. He could talk to Daniel, help him through it from someone who's been to hell and back and learned a thing or two along the way.

After backing slowly away from the window, he ran back to the car, his epiphany giving him renewed energy. As Jack neared the spot where he parked the car hours ago, he discovered too late something that he had not counted on. The car, and Daniel, was gone.


	7. Through the Darkness

Chapter 7: Through the Darkness

Part One:

I know it's extremely short, but I wanted everyone to know that I am working on it and hope to finish soon!

Slowly Daniel climbed over the concrete barrier separating the roadway from a grassy ledge. The headlights of the rental parked nearby pierced the darkness with just enough light to see what he was doing, but not enough to give away his exact location. Carefully he sat down, his back against the stone. It felt cold through his light jacket and he pulled his legs to his chest. It had stopped raining, but the ground was still damp. Daniel didn't notice. His eyes looked past the edge of the ledge and scanned over the canyon below. Lights of faraway houses and streetlights twinkled. It was unlikely that Jack took notice of this spot when they first drove past it, but he did. He didn't know why he felt compelled to return here, but he knew it was where he needed to be to finally end this.

He didn't know how long he sat there as he looked out over the canyon, the occasional breeze sending a shiver through him. Jack would be there soon, and he knew he would then continue his story. He also knew he didn't have to, he could lock it all away again, but it seemed more difficult now to cram it all back inside. It was as if the words were now as big as life as soon as he had said them out loud. Until Jack came he didn't want to do anything but sit at that very spot and smoke. Cigarette after cigarette burned down to a red cinder as he smoked them. It was strangely fascinating to Daniel to watch the red light arc up into the night sky and then disappear below as he flicked them over the ledge…

Daniel heard a car pull up, some words that he could not quite make out, a car door slam, and the car pull away. All was silent except for the sound of footsteps crunching stone on the roadway as they neared closer. Jack. He stood up to see Jack standing in front of the rental, looking almost ghostly as the rental's lights lit him from behind. A taxi turned a curve in the distance and disappeared.

"You know, you've really made me work hard lately. And use up a lot of favors," Jack walked closer and hopped over the barrier to stand next to Daniel. "Lucky for me the rental company has tracking on all of their cars," Jack smiled. "So what're we doing here, hmm? Can I persuade you to go back to the hotel? I hear they have plastic cups for ice and everything."

Daniel sat back down, resuming his previous sitting position. Standing was tiring all of the sudden. Jack sat down next to him. Silence passed between them for a few moments until Jack spoke again.

"And then what happened?" Jack said, all sarcasm gone from his voice now. Jack knew it was a simple question with a not very simple answer. Daniel thought for a moment, squeezing and unsqueezing the empty soft cigarette case in his hand. Then he began his story again, as if it was a movie playing out in front of him across the night sky…


	8. Tidal Wave

Chapter 8: Tidal Wave

Daniel took a seat at his usual spot on the bench in front of the school to wait for Carol. There was a cold chill in the air and he pulled up the hood of his worn green sweatshirt. His mom had given it to him for his birthday two years ago and he wore it ever chance he got, even it was getting too small now. It used to bother him that it seemed to take him longer to outgrow his clothes than other boys, but not anymore. It was hard for him to think much about his mom now, so he kept the sweatshirt close at all times, even sleeping with it under his pillow.

Just like he did every other afternoon, he pulled out the Walkman from his backpack, put on the headphones, and pushed the play button. His dad's classical music filled his ears. He knew the tape by heart now, and he feared the day that it would no longer play. He didn't even really like classical music, but it reminded him of his dad and Daniel had insisted on having the tape after his parents died. He turned the volume up to max and closed his eyes. As the music engulfed him, he again remembered the last time he heard this tape playing.

"Hey, Daniel! Come down and look at this, he yelled upstairs to me. I still remember that like it was yesterday. It never took me very long, because I often hid near the top of the stairs just in case he called me down. The tape was playing on his stereo on the shelf next to the fireplace. I loved that room and jumped at any chance to be in there with him…" Daniel remembered.

Daniel paused for a moment, a smile on his face, lost in the memory. "Anyway, I remember he sat me on his lap in his big black leather desk chair and showed me an Egyptian scroll that he was working on. He smelled like his Old Spice cologne and his favorite pipe burned in a nearby ashtray. I always could get lost in his voice, and the way he talked about his work made me feel like I was there. He made me feel important, you know, Jack? Like I was his assistant or something, vital to his discoveries. But memories were a double-edged sword back then..." The smile left his face and he turned away from Jack again.

Daniel's eyes flew open when he realized he was crying and shoved the Walkman back into his backpack. He wiped the tears away quickly on the back of his sleeve but they kept coming. He knew what to do to fix it. He let out a yell as he slammed his fist into the cement bench. Physical pain overpowered the anguish like a tidal wave. He sat down and shoved his bleeding hand into his pocket. He wiped away the last of the tears as Carol pulled up to the curb.

"How are you feeling today, kiddo?" She asked as he got into the car.

"Good," Daniel answered quickly while looking out the window. Yeah, good and numb, Daniel thought and he shifted his throbbing fist in his pocket.

"As we pulled into the East End Girls and Boys Club that time, I felt different," Daniel explained to Jack. "Almost like he could only _really _get to me _if_ he got to me mentally. Does that make sense? I thought that if I could keep my emotions separated from that body that had to go into that classroom after school every day that I'd be okay. Does that make sense?" Daniel repeated again as he stood up and looked down at Jack. Jack wasn't sure that it did make sense.

"Daniel," Jack started to say but was cut off by Daniel who again began to speak. He had also started to pace too close to the cliff's edge for Jack's liking.

"I thought that I had figured it all out. But unfortunately he was smarter than me," Daniel paused for a moment and looked deep in thought. Jack wondered if Daniel remembered that Jack was there. "Every time I tried to outsmart him, he seemed to be a few steps ahead. But at least I was able to keep him focused on me most of the time. Good and numb. Good and numb. Good and numb…"

Once again, I know that this chapter is super short and I'm still working on getting to the real meat of the story. But also once again, I want to assure all of you wonderful readers that I will finish the story. I just want to make sure that it comes out perfect! Hang it here and thanks again!


	9. Almost

Chapter 9: Almost

Daniel wanted so badly to ignore the familiar feeling of dread in the pit of his stomach that returned each time he walked into that classroom, into _his_ domain. As much as he wanted to deny it, today of all days, he knew Mr. Johnson was in control here. _Good and numb. Good and numb._ He kept his head down, his hands shoved into his pockets and took his seat quickly. When his arrival did not seem to stir up any commotion, he dared to look up and around the classroom. The other children sat quietly and obediently, similar frightened looks on all of their faces. God, did he look as pathetic as them? He hoped to hell not. He wanted his face to betray no emotion, no fear. Where was Mr. Johnson? Wait, where was Charlotte??? His head jerked around quickly to the closet when he heard muffled talking.

"You could have heard a pin drop, Jack. As Johnson's voice in the closet began to rise, I put my hands over my ears and began to hum. I didn't want to care about Charlotte in there with him. It wasn't me after all, and shouldn't I be satisfied with that?" Daniel said as he paced past Jack yet again.

Jack knew that Daniel wasn't looking for him to answer and waited for him to continue. "My new plan did not call for getting involved. My new plan called for staying under the radar, staying disconnected," Daniel continued as he took out yet another cigarette. "But, humming didn't work and putting my hands over my ears didn't work because I could NOT make my brain go numb. I couldn't stop imagining what I KNEW she was going though and it was killing me. I stood up and I could feel myself shaking. I felt wound up so tight that had to do something to relieve the pressure inside. Ultimately, my plan did not take into account that I was human after all." Daniel wiped his eyes quickly, but Jack could not see if he was crying or merely fatigued.

Daniel pounded on the door of the closet, already breaking into a sweat. _"Sit down, you stupid idiot!" _a voice inside his head screamed. He ignored it.

"Hey, I need some art supplies! You wouldn't want to deny me that, would you, Teach?" Daniel yelled. He waited a moment and then he saw the doorknob finally turn. His heart was racing now. Charlotte pushed past him, her face red and wet with tears. She paused only long enough to whisper "thank you." His eyes followed her as she took her seat.

"Mr. Jackson," The man answered, reality crashing back down on Daniel. Yanking Daniel inside by his sweatshirt he said, "I did not mean to ignore you. Please join me. I'd be happy to enlighten you about the color wheel," Daniel began to silently repeat to himself, _good and numb_, as Mr. Johnson shoved him hard to the cold cement floor.

"Now let's discuss my favorite colors first. Red, black and blue," Mr. Johnson said as he raised his fist and smiled that hideous yellow-toothed smile of his. Daniel closed his eyes, thought about Charlotte and smiled too. He had power now too. He saved her. He meant something...

He almost didn't feel the first punch that slammed into his stomach or the next ones that brought tears to his eyes and whimpers from his lips. _Almost._

"He hit me for a good ten minutes, Jack. I remember because I was counting, trying to distract myself. He sure taught me about red, black, and blue that day," Daniel laughed again, and Jack cringed. He hoped it didn't show in his face.

"When he stopped, I remember him leaning back against the wall for a moment. It made me want to laugh. He was the one who was exhausted? I could hardly focus anymore, white dots dancing in front of my eyes, and my body hurt so much that I...Anyway, he pulled me up, but I couldn't stand yet so he held me there," Daniel remembered.

"You learned enough for today?" He said as he shook Daniel. The motion made Daniel want to throw up; he already felt close to losing it. "The other kids might get angry if you keep me too long Mr. Jackson," Mr. Johnson hissed, still struggling to catch his breath.

"I tried to put some words together, to say something, anything to show him that he hadn't got to me," Daniel, said. Sitting now, he traced a pattern in the mud with a stick. "But he did get to me, of course, he knew it and I knew it. Before he left, he wiped blood from my mouth onto my sweatshirt.

"Red," he said. "You'll see the black and blue by tonight."


	10. Reflection

**Chapter 10: Reflection**

"I should have won an award for my performance on the car ride home that day," Daniel said bitterly. "Up to that point Johnson had been careful to only hurt me in places that no one could see. He'd been sloppy when he punched me in the face," Jack watched as Daniel put his hand to his cheek, as if he could still feel the pain…...

Daniel gingerly walked to the boy's bathroom, one hand glued to his right side where Johnson had seemed to focus most of his aggression. Usually Mr. Johnson didn't let anyone go to the bathroom during the STAR program, but he said he was feeling generous that day. Daniel knew it was more likely that he recognized that it was in his best interests that Daniel not look like he went a few rounds in a boxing match.

Daniel carefully steadied himself at the sink with one hand and leaned in to take a look at his face. His left cheek was an angry red and his lip was split. Dried blood had made a path from his lip down to his jaw before finally stopping midway down his neck. Wetting a paper towel, he hissed through his teeth as he brushed the rough material against his throbbing face and mouth. He felt tears threaten to fall and hit bit his lip in an attempt to stop them.

When he was finished cleaning himself up, he stood back to look at his reflection. The blood was gone, yes, but the split lip was still obvious and his cheek was more red than before. It didn't help that he still couldn't stand up straight. He'd have to come up with a whopper of a story, one that would be both easy to believe and difficult to verify.

Baseball! Daniel thought. Within a few minutes, Daniel had created what he thought was a very believable story. He would tell them about what a great time he had playing with the other STAR kids, even if he was accidentally hit in the face with a baseball bat. He'd tell them that he made the winning point for his team by sliding into home base, even if he hurt his right side in the process. He'd finish the story by saying that he was now finally beginning to understand how much more fun and rewarding it was to be involved in team sports than in activities like smoking or stealing. Yes, it could work, Daniel thought triumphantly and he smiled. Well, tried to smile anyway. He could almost imagine Ms. Carol crying with happiness and his teachers being too shocked to ask any further questions.

"Mr. Jackson! Get back here NOW!" Daniel jumped when he heard Mr. Johnson yell to him from down the hallway. He caught another glimpse of himself in the mirror as he turned to leave and couldn't help but stare into his own eyes for a moment. What the hell was he smiling about? He saw a poor, pathetic beat up kid looking back at him. He saw eyes full of pain and fear partially hidden behind long dark hair. He could tell someone. He could tell them what Mr. Johnson did, he had plenty of proof. Then he thought about Mr. Johnson's threats and about the other kids. Who was he kidding? He yelped as he bumped his side into the doorway on the way out. His depth perception seemed to be a bit off; maybe that had something to do with why his ears were ringing.

As Daniel waited for Ms. Carol downstairs, he rehearsed his story again and then took one last final look at his reflection in the glass doors. His heart began to pound when he noticed that he had blood on the front of his sweatshirt. How had he missed that? He hesitated, conflicted about what to do. Daniel willed himself not to cry as he pulled off his beloved sweatshirt and pushed it to the bottom of a nearby trashcan. He had no choice. The blood would never come out, and someone was bound to find it sooner or later, even if he tried to stash it somewhere. It didn't' matter anyway, he told himself as he saw Ms. Carol pull into the parking lot a few hundred feet away. The past was the past, and that included his parents. It was time he faced that _this_ was his life now. He paused for a moment, and then shoved his hand in his backpack. Taking out his walkman, he then ejected his father's tape and hurled it into the trashcan as well.

"I never forgot that moment, Jack. I thought that if I stopped dwelling in the past, maybe it would be easier to deal with the present," Daniel explained. "I realize now that I guess I never really did deal with the present either, or I wouldn't be here with you."

"Hi, Daniel!" Ms.Carol called to him as she pulled up. Her smile quickly disappeared.

"Hey, what happened to your face?" She asked with concern as Daniel got in the car as quickly as he could.

"You're never going to belive what happened today!" Daniel began with as much enthusiasm as he could muster. "I never knew how much fun baseball could be..."

**Please take a moment to review! Thanks for reading and I'll do my best to post the chapters at a faster pace!**


	11. House of Cards

**Chapter 11: House of Cards**

"Ms. Carol just bought that…that…_dumb ass _story?" Jack asked in disbelief.

Daniel looked at Jack with red, bleary eyes as he shoved his hands into his jacket pockets in a poor attempt to stave off their need to hold another cigarette. They shook through the fabric.

"She bought the story, Jack, because I _really_ sold it to her. I _had_ too. It was just another lie balanced on top of another lie and another and another. My life was like a towering house of cards that I built up higher and higher for those around me, like Ms. Carol, my teachers, and my foster parents. I knew that everything could come crashing down on me at _any_ moment and the stress of that awareness was absolutely _unbearable_. Smoking and stealing were two of the three ways that made this agonizing anticipation at least manageable for me. Unfortunately, the reprieve lasted only as long as the cigarette or until I successfully left the store with the stolen item."

"What was the third?" Jack asked to prompt Daniel to continue, hoping his answer would be something at least _legal_.

"Reading actually," Daniel answered awarding Jack with a genuine smile. "It was an endless source of fascination for me that one could discover and learn about a culture or civilization long since extinct through the recovery, documentation and analysis of material remains and environmental data. It was like…like being a detective of sorts. It was fun for Charlotte too. Reading _while_ smoking, now _that_ was nirvana," Daniel explained as he shook his head at the memories before the smile faded from his face.

"Did you steal only to support the smoking?" Jack asked, somehow sensing that there was a distinction there that Daniel needed to verbalize.

"It often was a means to that end if I couldn't get my hands on cigarettes directly," Daniel said before pausing to formulate his response, "but that wasn't the only reason. I _craved _the power and the triumph that I felt after I successfully stole something without getting caught. Does that make sense, Jack? I certainly didn't feel any power over anything else in my life at that time. But as I said before, that feeling of victory was always short lived…"

Daniel half ran, half walked down the broken sidewalk of his street that was lined with row houses and towering apartment buildings in varying levels of disrepair. It was close to midnight already, but crushing anxiety mixed with pain had prevented him from achieving the sweet bliss of sleep that night. He _had_ to get out because he _had_ to have cigarettes. Clad in only a gray long sleeve t-shirt, his teeth chattered. The late fall night air was cold, but he hadn't had the heart to wear another jacket to replace his precious sweatshirt. The Quik-Stop convenience store was only three and a half blocks away and Daniel knew that if he hurried, he could swipe a pack or maybe even a carton while the night guy snuck out for a smoke break of his own. Daniel had done his homework and had taken note of every security camera, employee, and frequent customer. He knew names, habits, and schedules. It had been a game to occupy his mind. He was proud of himself that _he_ alone had figured out all of the variables to reach the perfect plan. He had done it. No one else. He could see the store now, all bright lights and glass, only a block away. Suddenly an arm shot out from a narrow alley between two buildings and grabbed a fistfull of Daniel's shirt, wrenching him from the sidewalk into the shadows. Daniel, already breathing hard, willed his breath to slow as he glared into the pockmarked face of one of the slime bags that frequented his neighborhood. Usually he saw this jerk long before he spotted Daniel. Not this time.

"Hey kid," the man said with a black toothed smile, the smell of whiskey strong on his breath..

Daniel tried to pull away, but the large man seemed abnormally strong courtesy of whatever drug he was high on at that moment.

"Let me go, you a-hole!" Daniel yelled as he continued to struggle.

Daniel saw some people walk by, some noticing him and others not. None stopped.

"You let some john smack you around?" the man asked as he ran his dirty, rough hands along Daniel's smooth face, slowing to feel Daniel's split lip. "Cuz if you work for me, I'll take care of you. Even let you keep ten percent if you work hard enough," He smiled as he moved his hands down Daniel's neck and chest before stopping. "You have a great... face, you know that? The johns, they love a great face."

"F-you!" Daniel yelled as he kneed the man in the groin, successfully breaking the man's death grip on his shirt.

Daniel took off fast, crying now, his heart pounding _so_ hard. He ignored the pain that was now exploding in his right side, knowing that it would all be okay if he could _just_ get the cigarettes. After her reached the convenience store's parking lot, he looked through the glass panes. As he struggled to catch his breath and to erase the creep's face and hands from his memory, he saw the the clerk Jeff return to his spot behind the counter. He had missed his chance! Daniel angrily wiped the tears away. What were his options now? He HAD to have the cigarettes. Even more than before. He would not fail at this. Not at this too. He would do it somehow. Daniel slowly entered the store, keeping his head down. He headed to the magazine rack, the only place from which he could survey the store fairly unobtrusively. Daniel pretended to flip through an issue of _Sports Illustrated_ when he noticed a tall blonde in a short red dress enter the store. She smiled at Jeff. The clerk smiled back before jerking his head toward the store room. Daniel continued to watch as Jeff left the counter and the woman followed. They both entered the store room and shut the door. Soon moans could be heard through the thin wooden door. Daniel's eyes darted to the counter and he smiled. Yes! Now! Daniel was well aware of the angle of the security camera and easily maneuvered his thin frame out of its view. He took two cartons of Camels, shoving them under his shirt. Jeff would surely notice the missing cartons, maybe even remember Daniel, but he was the one who broke the rules with his lady friend and would likely not pursue the issue. Daniel walked quickly out of the store, still smiling while clutching his treasure, not running again until he was out of the views of all of the cameras. After taking the long way home to avoid that alley, he took the elevator to his floor and re-entered his apartment. He paused briefly at the sight of his foster parents in the living room, but they were thankfully still asleep in front of the television after another long day at work. After rushing down the hall to his room, he opened his closet door, turned on the light, stepped inside, and shut the door with a soft click. He eased himself down to the floor, careful not to brush his throbbing side against anything, and pulled the glass candy dish that he swiped from the drug store over to him. With shaking hands, he lit the cigarette. Theglorious relief he felt was soon replaced by ovewhelming sadness as he thought about everything that he had done that night. Was it all Mr. Johnson's fault? Or was he really a bad person? His parents would be so disappointed in him because boy, was he disappointed in himself. He lit another cigarette and when that relief was short lived too, he lit another and another.

"I woke up about three hours later to the sound of my alarm clock blaring. I knew I reeked of smoke, but I didn't care. I had made it through another night. I didn't live one day at a time then. Sometimes it was one _minute_ at a time," Daniel explained as he took his hands out of his pocket.

They were still shaking.

**Should I even bother to apologize again for making all you wonderful readers wait so very long for each chapter? Of course! Sorry also that this chapter was a bit sad. Stay tuned for Jack's reaction and more of Daniel's story!**


	12. Number Thirteen

**Chapter 12: Number Thirteen**

Jack too saw that Daniel's hands were shaking, but he looked away quickly without commenting. When a man's body betrayed his most raw emotions, his deepest of thoughts, it became something private. Jack had seen it all during combat, before and after joining the Stargate program. He didn't blame any of the men anymore for behavior that he, as a young, naïve man, viewed as weak, just like he didn't blame Daniel now. Life was harder than being dead. Much, much harder. Unfortunately for Daniel, he learned that lesson _a lot_ earlier than most.

"You were a very strong boy, Daniel," Jack assured him.

"You think so, huh?" Daniel asked as he turned to look at Jack. "You don't know about all of the times that I did anything that he wanted just to get cigarettes, Jack, and I lost plenty because of it."

"Why do you do that? Why do you blame yourself? You were a kid for Christ's sake!" Jack implored. "You had to do what you needed to do to _survive_, one of the most basic of all human instincts. Believe me, I know about that. I've been there. It changes you. It hardwires your brain differently. Nothing you say is going to convince me otherwise!"

Jack leaned back against the wall and looked away again, hoping that Daniel would react more positively than not to his little speech. Daniel took out another cigarette, lit it, and took two puffs.

"I know that Jack," Daniel said with a sigh and another puff. "I do. I just forget it sometimes, you know? His lessons were hardwired into me too."

"Tell me about one of times, one of those 'lessons'," Jack requested. "Then let me tell you how I see it. Let me tell you how it really is."

Daniel looked at Jack for a moment. That was why they were there after all, wasn't it? For him to share his story with one of his very best friends in the world. To regain perspective on the situation that had him so _very_ thrown.

"Yeah, okay," Daniel agreed as he flicked the cigarette over the edge.

Jack counted twelve now. Twelve times Daniel had flicked an unfinished cigarette over the edge to simply light another one a few minutes later. It actually was a pretty good tell of which part of Daniel was talking at that moment, the scared kid or the accomplished doctor of archeology. Life, like the game of poker, was unpredictable. A tell, however, gave an edge. And with uncharted territory like he was in with Daniel, he could use all of the help that he could get. He did not want to mess this up. He wanted to be the friend to Daniel that he needed. He _couldn't_ mess this up. He watched as Daniel held out his hands and smiled. They were steady again.

"I'll tell you about one of the first lessons during which the cigarettes came into play. I was fourteen at the time. Two years into that life. Two years of all of us attending that damned after school hell. I was mandated to attend year after year because _he_ didn't think I was ready to leave. More like he wasn't ready for _me_ to leave. Ah, well. I wouldn't have left the other kids anyway, but that's beside the point. Let me try to describe it to you the best that I can…"

After pausing a moment in the doorway to see that Mr. Johnson was at his desk on the phone, Daniel lumbered into the classroom, sat down at his desk, and dropped his backpack onto the floor. He'd had a tough day, with a few of his teachers even keeping him after class to ask him if he was all right. He couldn't blame them, really. He was getting sloppy and knew that he looked like hell. He'd have to work on that in the future, but today he was out of cigarettes and out of patience. A dangerous combination for the after school program. Mr. Johnson would pick up on it, hell he knew him as well as any of the other adults in his life, maybe better, and he would exploit it.

"Hey," Charlotte said flatly, as she picked up her head from where it was resting on her arms on top of her desk.

"What's with you? You look like crap," Daniel observed.

She stared at him for a moment before she smiled. The pot calling the kettle black; they both knew it. Daniel smiled too. She was important to him and he pressed her for answers.

"He do something to you? To anyone else before I got here? I couldn't help it. Mrs. Grayson kept me late to interrogate me," Daniel explained.

Charlotte was used to his questions.

"No. He's been on the phone since I got here about fifteen minutes ago," she explained. "Don't know who with, but he doesn't look happy."

"Great," Daniel said sarcastically.

They looked at each other without saying another word, volumes passing between them in the silence. They would not press their luck by talking any more today. If Johnson was already in a bad mood, they would have to be extra careful. Not that Daniel thought it would make any difference.

"Mr. Jackson, can you come here please?" Mr. Johnson asked nicely, as one of the other kids was brought into the room by her mother.

The mother waved at him before leaving. The smile quickly left the girl's face and she sat down quickly. Linda. Linda could blend into the background pretty well, Daniel assessed. Plus her mother was pretty attentive. He'd leave her alone if Johnson knew what was good for him, and he did that day.

Daniel locked eyes with Charlotte again before standing up and walking over to Johnson's desk at the front of the classroom. At least it wasn't a closet meeting this time, Daniel reasoned. He would soon find out why.

Daniel stopped a few feet away from the desk, just out of reach of the still sitting teacher.

"Yes, sir?" Daniel asked.

He hated to address him with any respect, but he hoped to skate by that day without incident.

"I just finished speaking with your English teacher, Mrs. Grayson. She was very concerned about your behavior these past few days. Asked me if I was aware of any difficulties you were having at home…or elsewhere," Mr. Johnson said with that damned smile.

God, did Daniel hate _that_ smile. It didn't mean that Mr. Johnson was happy. It meant quite the opposite. It a lightning fast move, he stood up and snatched Daniel's arm pulling him partly over the front of the desk. He held down Daniel's head to the hard surface with his other hand to his neck. Johnson would not take him into the closet today, because today, _he_ was the lesson.

Daniel struggled to breath under the man's strangling grasp.

"You tell her anything about what goes on here? About our special lessons?" Mr. Johnson asked, bringing his mouth to inches from Daniel's ear to add to the fear factor.

It worked.

"I should tell everyone, you SOB!" Daniel rasped, even though he knew his threat held no power.

Tears threatened to fall, not because of the pain. Daniel was used to the pain. The humiliation of all of the kids watching him was worse, much worse. The kids that he protects were now watching how easy it was for Johnson to overpower him. Daniel made a show of struggling to break free, for the other kids benefit. He knew he couldn't. Mr. Johnson would not allow that insubordination in his classroom. Johnson finshed pulling Daniel over the top of the desk and let him crumple to the ground on the other side. Daniel took big gulps of air to gain strength to stand as quickly as possible, but Johnson had other ideas. He began to kick Daniel, as he yelled to the others.

"This is what happens when you disobey! You think you're so special? You think they look up to you? You're pathetic!" Mr. Johnson yelled before rattling off a number of obscenities. "Cry for me, baby. Cry and show me that you're sorry. Show them that I own you, just like I own every one of them!"

Pain exploded everywhere in places that already hurt. Daniel knew that the other kids were watching and waiting to see what he would do. He did not want to let them down, but he knew he had to give in. His body would cooperate with the will of his mind no longer. When he felt something shift in his chest, he knew that a rib had to be at least cracked. It was so hard to breathe… Tears fell freely now and crying from the other kids also met his ears. He appreciated the sympathy. Mr. Johnson stopped and knelt next to Daniel. He grabbed his face and looked at the tears. He smiled that smile again. He felt along Daniel's left side and Daniel jumped, the pain as intense as if he had been shocked with jumper cables. The smile left his face. He turned Daniel's head so his mouth was again inches from his ear. He knew that Daniel hadn't said anything, but now he had gone too far. He knew it and Daniel knew it. He reached into his drawer and shoved something into Daniels front jeans pocket.

"You tell anyone, you're dead. They're dead. No one would ever find the bodies. You know I can do it. Too bad that nasty fall down the steps kept you from participating fully in your classes today. Lucky for you and for everyone else, I was observant enough to notice and take you to the hospital for treatment," he said.

Daniel knew that he would take the credit, seem like his savior. Everyone would thank him for it. He helped Daniel stand because as much as Daniel didn't want his hands on him, he couldn't do it on his own. After Mr. Johnson called another teacher to watch the class, they left for the hospital in Johnson's car. During the quiet car ride, Daniel felt the object in his pocket. It was an unopened pack of cigarettes. Had that been worth it to get them? For this whole pack?. No, Daniel insisted to himself. But he knew deep down that the answer was yes and it made him sick to admit it. Johnson even let Daniel smoke one in the car, lighting it for him and everything.

"From then on, I accepted cigarettes in exchange for more severe beatings. He would even ask me sometimes, which I wanted and where, if he was feeling particularly charitable. What I wanted. That-," Daniel repeated as he shook his head.

"That if you felt that you were getting something out of the beatings, that you were just as guilty? That you somehow wanted it then? Manipulative, sick bastard," Jack said angrily.

"Yeah. You're right," Daniel agreed as he sat down next to Jack.

A moment later Daniel took out a cigarette and lit it.

Number thirteen, Jack noted with a sigh.

**This is a happy Thanksgiving treat to all my very patient readers. I am very thankful for all of you and for your reviews. Only a few more chapters to go, I think! **


	13. Epiphany

"_From then on, I accepted cigarettes in exchange for more severe beatings. He would even ask me sometimes, which I wanted and where, if he was feeling particularly charitable. What I wanted. That-," Daniel repeated as he shook his head._

"_That if you felt that you were getting something out of the beatings, that you were just as guilty? That you somehow wanted it then? Manipulative, sick bastard," Jack said angrily._

"_Yeah. You're right," Daniel agreed as he sat down next to Jack._

_A moment later Daniel took out a cigarette and lit it._

_Number thirteen, Jack noted with a sigh._

**Chapter 13: Epiphany **

"So _he_ brought you to the hospital?" Jack asked.

"Yes," Daniel confirmed with one last puff of his cigarette.

He had smoked that one till the end, Jack noticed.

"Swell guy," Jack said with sarcasm. "And then what happened?"

Even though Jack knew the end of the story, a small part of him still hoped that somehow Daniel would tell him that the _middle_ had changed. That somehow Daniel was rescued from Johnson at the hospital for at least a short period of time.

"I remember being terrified," Daniel explained

"That the doctors would find out or that they wouldn't?" Jack asked.

"Both," Daniel answered...

Daniel stole a glance at Mr. Johnson while they were tearing down the highway to the hospital. Daniel fantasized for a moment that they would have a car crash and Mr. Johnson would die, or that they would at least get pulled over and he would go to jail. Neither happened.

About fifteen minutes later, Mr. Johnson pulled the car into a space designated for those going to the emergency room. Without a word he walked over to Daniel's side of the car and pulled him out. His moves appeared gentle, but his grip on Daniel's arm was not. Daniel recognized the warning. Daniel was silent as the teacher led him to a wheelchair just inside the automatic doors.

When Daniel saw his foster mother waiting for him in the waiting room, he felt instantly guilty. She was missing work because of him, but he was very much glad she was there. She didn't appear to mind though, as she smiled and leaned down to gave Daniel a soft peck on the cheek and a hug. Her tenderness surprised him a bit. She smelled like a mix of mint and roses. He practically melted in her grasp. After she pulled away, Mr. Johnson and she exchanged introductions and pleasantries. When Mr. Johnson offered to check Daniel in at the desk, his foster mother smiled again.

"Why, thank you," she agreed.

"What happened, Daniel?" she asked gently after he walked away.

She gently rubbed his knee as she waited for him to answer. Daniel looked away from her kind eyes, as he decided on his answer. He knew that she was probably remembering the other times that he had gotten in trouble. He did not want to disappoint her, but he knew that was likely the most believable angle.

"Fight at school," Daniel answered.

"I see. Was one of the older boys picking on you again?" she asked as she pushed the hair out of his eyes.

The gentle touch made him uncomfortable now. Made him think of his mother. He pushed his wheelchair back with his feet, just a bit out of her reach now.

"Yes," Daniel answered.

It was true enough after all.

Mr. Johnson sat back down next to Daniel's foster mother with a clipboard and handed it to her. As she filled out the requested information, Daniel concentrated on staring straight ahead, ignoring the glare from Mr. Johnson that felt like it was burning a hole into the side of his head. This could all be over soon. He could just tell the doctor. They would believe him, right? Or would they believe Mr. Johnson, that his foster parents did it? Would they _arrest_ her here? She had nothing to do with this! Could they really then place him with Mr. Johnson? Daniel's stomach began to feel sick with anticipation.

"I…I got to go to the bathroom. I think I'm going to hurl," Daniel said as he again started to again back up his wheelchair with his feet.

He really wanted to smoke some cigarettes to calm his nerves before meeting with the doctor. Maybe a few at a time.

"I'll take you," Mr. Johnson offered with a smile.

"No, that's okay. I-," Daniel began.

"It's okay, Daniel. Let him help you. I don't want you to make any injuries worse," she responded.

Daniel looked at her, and nodded, granting her this request. Mr. Johnson smiled again and began to push Daniel toward the bathroom. They traveled in silence, but the speed was a bit faster that with what Daniel was comfortable. He was suddenly gripped with a fear that Mr. Johnson would crash him into the wall. That would hurt. That would _most definitely_ hurt.

"Slow down!" Daniel insisted.

Mr. Johnson chuckled and stopped the chair abruptly. It was all Daniel could do to not fly out of the chair at the unexpected action. He couldn't help but grunt in pain, but would give the teacher the satisfaction of no other reaction. Mr. Johnson chuckled again, but wheeled the chair at a slower speed this time. When they turned the corner a moment later, Daniel was relieved to see the sign for the men's room hanging from the ceiling about ten feet in front of them. He was only seconds away from a little bit of heaven. Relief. He could taste it already.

"You can wait out here. I'll just be a min-," Daniel said after Mr. Johnson stopped the wheelchair in front of the door.

Instead Mr. Johnson grabbed Daniel's arm, and pulled him out of the seat and into the empty bathroom.

"I'm tired of this! Okay? I really am! If you want to kill me or whatever, just get it over with! Otherwise, just leave me the hell alone so I can smoke!" Daniel exclaimed.

Johnson's face registered a look of surprise and his grip loosened. Daniel wondered if his outburst would actually be successful until Mr. Johnson pulled him to inches from his face.

"How daring you are, Mr. Jackson, when there are people nearby, hmm? But _I_ know who you really are, when it is just you and me. How weak you really are. You can't help yourself any more than you can help anyone else. You say anything to the nice doctors and nurses that's _not_ so nice about me, and there will be consequences for you _and_ the other kids," Mr. Johnson threatened. "Or maybe that pretty foster mom of yours? I bet she would be fun to work over."

"No! No. I won't say anything! I-," Daniel responded.

Mr. Johnson continued to huddle over him. He was crushing him against the sink now and it was difficult to breathe.

"Will put on the best damn performance of your life," he finished as he let go and stepped back.

Daniel waited to see what Mr. Johnson would do or say next. He was still at his mercy here, even with all of the people just outside the door.

"Well, hurry up and smoke, will you? Your foster mommy will be wondering if you got yourself into trouble again," Mr. Johnson said. "I'll be outside. You have two minutes."

Daniel watched him leave and took a couple of death breaths. He was finally alone. Alone for two minutes, but hey, he'll take it. Daniel smoked the cigarette quickly, it instantly calming his stomach and nerves. He left the bathroom and sat back down in the wheelchair. They returned to the waiting room without incident to see a young blonde nurse in pink scrubs talking to his foster mother.

"Come, Daniel," his foster mother said. "They are ready for you. I can go with you, unless you prefer Mr. Johnson."

"No! No," Daniel said more calmly. "You can come."

His foster mother pushed his wheelchair behind the nurse and through the door that she then held open for them. The nurse, who introduced herself as Lily, asked Daniel to sit down on a gurney and then pulled a curtain around them. As his foster mother waited just beyond the curtain, she gently assisted him to pull off his shirt and put on a gown, tying it in the front. She noted his temperature and blood pressure before leaving again, pulling the curtain closed again behind her. His foster mother stepped around the curtain before sitting down on a plastic chair next to the bed, her worn purse on her lap.

"I'm so thankful that Mr. Johnson took quick action to bring you here. He seems nice," she said.

"Yeah," Daniel answered with as much believability as he could muster.

A moment later a young looking man in a white coat stepped around the curtain with a folder in his hands.

"Hello, Daniel, is it? Let's have a look," he said as he untied the gown.

Daniel looked away as the man's cold fingers began to probe is mid-section. He just hoped this would all be over as soon as possible, and without any deep questions as to the cause of his injury. Daniel's hopes were soon dashed.

"Hmm. So how did this happen?" the man asked.

"Fight at school," his foster mother answered helpfully.

"Really? And what about these other scars? They're much older, but they seem-," he said, before stopping as another man in a white coat dashed around the curtain.

"Kel! Can I talk to you?" the man asked excitedly.

"I'm in the middle of seeing a patient," he answered, visibly annoyed.

"Just a moment. Excuse us, please," the other man said with a smile.

With a shake of his head, the man agreed and stepped around the curtain with the other man. Even though the two began to speak in whispers, Daniel and his foster mother could still hear every word.

"I'm busy here, Sam! What the hell is so important?" Kel asked.

"Opportunity, man! A ten car crash. They need all of the help they can get. They said that we'll even get a chance to scrub in. Us! Interns!" Sam explained excitedly."So get rid of the kid and let's go! Before Julie and that jackass Andrew get all the good ones!"

After a long pause, Kel returned around the curtain again with a smile of his own.

"Okay! So it looks like you have one cracked ribs, several bruised. I'll just wrap you up and get you a prescription for a pain killer," Kel began.

Daniel did his best to mask his happiness. They were letting him go without any other questions after all!

"I recommend bed rest for at least a week, and then visit your family doctor to see if more bed rest is recommended," Kel finished.

"A week?" Daniel asked in disbelief, the earlier happiness squashed. "I can't...I can't.be away for a week!"

"Yes, you can sweetie. Thank you," she said to Kel who left to get supplies.

"I know what this is about, Daniel," his foster mother began.

Oh no. She knew? How could she not suspect _something _after seeing him with his shirt off? Maybe he should have let Mr. Johnson come in with him after all.

"You do?" Daniel asked, nervously swallowing.

"You're feeling guilty about my having to miss work Don't you worry about that, okay? I'll make up the time later," she said.

Daniel sighed in relief. She didn't know. She was a good lady. Probably wouldn't even cross her mind that someone would hurt a kid. As Kel quickly returned to finish up with him, Daniel tried to keep the tears from falling.

"I'll try to make this hurt as little as possible," Kel said, noticing Daniel struggling to keep from crying.

That wasn't what's going to hurt the most, Daniel thought. How could he be gone at least a whole week? The other kids would be targets without him.

"I tried to focus on my good luck that I had an intern more interested in glory than in me," Daniel explained as he kicked a few rocks over the ledge.

"You call that luck? Please. You can keep your kind of luck, next time we go to Vegas," Jack said.

"While I was gone, the kids did suffer for it. The guilt I felt was...there are no words. Something did come out of all of that, though. I had an epiphany," Daniel said."I realized that no matter what I did, I couldn't help the other kids anymore than I could help myself. Just like he said. I finally realized he was right."

"Daniel," Jack interrupted.

"No, Jack, let me finish. I couldn't help the other kids anymore that I could help myself unless _something changed_. Unless something new was factored into the equation. So I got a morning paper route," Daniel said.

"To find a constructive way to blow off steam?" Jack asked, although he doubted that was the reason.

"No," Daniel answered with a small smile. "Stealing wasn't enough to pay for something I wanted," Daniel said.

"What did you want?" Jack asked.

"To buy a gun, of course," Daniel said as if it was the most obvious conclusion in the world.

**Thanks for reading and reviewing. I realized this chapter is a bit short. Anyway, sorry, again, for the delay. I'm getting married in June and it's time consuming! **


	14. Two Packer

"While I was gone, the kids did suffer for it

"_While I was gone, the kids did suffer for it. The guilt I felt was...there are no words. Something did come out of all of that, though. I had an epiphany," Daniel said. "I realized that no matter what I did, I couldn't help the other kids anymore than I could help myself. Just like he said. I finally realized he was right."_

"_Daniel," Jack interrupted._

"_No, Jack, let me finish. I couldn't help the other kids anymore that I could help myself unless something changed. Unless something new was factored into the equation. So I got a morning paper route," Daniel said._

_"To find a constructive way to blow off steam?" Jack asked, although he doubted that was the reason._

_"No," Daniel answered with a small smile. "Stealing wasn't enough to pay for something I wanted," Daniel said._

"_What did you want?" Jack asked._

"_To buy a gun, of course," Daniel said as if it was the most obvious conclusion in the world._

**Chapter 14: Two Packer**

"Now we're talking!" Jack exclaimed. "Tell me you blew him apart piece by piece!"

"Jack, you saw him in the court room. Did he look like I filled him with holes?" Daniel asked with an amused smile.

"Sorry, I heard 'gun' and got excited. Guess you were as bad of a shot then as you are now," Jack joked. "Why the hell _didn't_ you shoot him? Chickened out?"

"Wrong again. Got fired from the job at the end of the first week," Daniel answered.

"Tsk, tsk," Jack said. "You didn't report that on your resume for the SGC. What happened?"

"Tried to supplement my earnings by hocking things that I _found_ in my customers' yards and garages. Got caught. No one pressed charges after I gave the money or the stolen items back, but I lost my job, of course," Daniel explained. "Since I wasn't old enough to work anywhere else, all I could do was pick up an odd job here and there. However, since most people where I lived were also dirt poor-."

"No gun," Jack finished.

"You got it," Daniel confirmed. "I didn't know what the hell to do next, so I spent more and more time buried in my books to escape thinking about it. To escape reality. Funny thing was, even though I was growing more and more hopeless with each day, it appeared to everyone else that I was doing great because my grades improved significantly. People started to notice that I might not be just a dumb foster kid after all. That attention made me uncomfortable and nervous. I just wanted to be left alone, you know? Of course, there was someone else that was happy to step into the spotlight for me."

"You're kidding," Jack commented, suspecting what Daniel was going to say next.

"Nope. One of my teachers was so impressed with my progress that she submitted Johnson for a prestigious teaching award. He got it and was hailed as a positive role model for the youth of America. He was even in the paper and on the eleven o'clock news," Daniel said in disgust as he shook his head. "Can you believe that parents were actually _begging_ to get their kids into his after school program after that? Can you imagine how that made me _feel_? God, he wouldn't let us forget about his award either. Used to quote the article and the newscast to us _all_ the time…"

"Now, copy this all down, children. Then I will evaluate your penmanship. The After School Alliance today presented its After School Champion Award to teacher David A. Johnson in recognition of his innovative after school program S.T.A.R., Students to Achieve Reintegration. One of the students in this program, Daniel Jackson, has already achieved such dramatic progress that-" Mr. Johnson quoted as he scribbled the words across the blackboard.

Daniel sighed loudly as he rolled his pencil in between his fingers, not planning on writing down a word of that garbage. Instead he contemplated whether it would be more satisfying to stab out his eardrums or his eyes. He laughed at the thought, an interruption not appreciated by Mr. Johnson.

"Really, Mr. Jackson. This behavior is not becoming of my most promising student, now is it? If only your parents had taught you better manners," he said with a smile as he resumed writing on the blackboard.

Daniel's smile quickly left his face, anger bubbling up inside of him like a volcano. No one, _no one_ talked about his parents. Certainly _not_ Mr. Johnson.

"F-ck you!" Daniel yelled at the teacher.

The other children audibly gasped. Daniel looked around at the other kids, noting that their hands were frozen in mid-sentence. Well, he had done it now, so he might as well finish it.

"You're one to talk! I wish _your_ parents had taught _you_ better manners!" Daniel yelled as he stood, picked up his chair, and threw it, an action that was met with another audible gasp from the other students.

Daniel began to laugh, not caring what punishment he'd get. As long as Mr. Johnson finally shut up about his stupid award, he'd be satisfied.

"Daniel! Shut up!" Charlotte hissed quietly from across the table.

Daniel opened his mouth to continue his rant until Mr. Johnson's large hand wrapped around his throat from behind, squeezed, and yanked him towards him.

"Are you done, Mr. Jackson?" Mr. Johnson asked nicely, as he held Daniel's body to his.

Daniel choked and gasped for air, unable to verbalize any words.

"Because I hope you're done. Children? Would you like Mr. Johson to be done?" he asked the group.

The children, eyes wide, nodded quickly, too afraid to do anything else. Mr. Johnson began to squeeze Daniel's throat tighter until white spots danced across his eyes. Daniel fell to his knees, and Mr. Johnson let him go, leaving him gasping for air on the floor. A moment later, Mr. Johnson crouched down to him and put his mouth near Daniel's ear.

"The children do not appreciate your interruption and I've had it with you. Now you go wait for me in the closet, or so help me God, I will kill you next time. No. You know what? That would let you off too easy. I will kill…say…Charlotte? How about that?" Mr. Johnson whispered.

After a few more deep breaths, Daniel rose on shaky legs, fell, and then rose again. He rubbed his throbbing neck as he stumbled for the closet. After he opened the door and shut it behind him, he fell to the floor. Wishing to subside some of the anxiety before Mr. Johnson came in, he ran his hands over his pockets, finding them empty. Crap. His last almost empty pack of cigarettes was in his backpack. Daniel had no choice but to sit there and wait. He didn't have to wait long.

"Mr. Jackson," Mr. Johnson said with a grin as he entered the small space and shut the door behind him. "What's it going to be this time? Your average lesson or a one packer? Or perhaps a two packer? You choose. You know I always encourage free will in my students."

"Free will? That son of a bitch," Jack remarked, his words devoid of any sarcasm this time. "What did you say?"

"I told him to make it a two packer," Daniel said matter-of-factly.

"What did that mean, exactly?" Jack inquired further as he ran his hand over his face. He knew he would most definitely hate his friend's answer.

"Two packs of cigarettes worth of pain and humiliation," Daniel said simply. "But it was worth it to me, because I was low on cigarettes. I thought that I might as well get something out of it all, right?"

Wow, Jack thought. Wow.

"Good choice, Mr. Jackson," the man commented as he flexed his fingers.

Daniel rose slowly, unable to take his eyes off of those hands.

"Because you sure disappointed me today. You know what this means though, don't you?" Mr. Johnson asked.

"Show me the cigarettes first," Daniel insisted.

"Demanding aren't we?" Mr. Johnson commented, although he held out two packs out of his pants pockets as requested.

Daniel grabbed them and put them into his pockets and with one last deep breath, spoke again.

"Do what you want," Daniel conceded as he closed his eyes, his hands remaining over his pockets stuffed with the precious packs. Somehow it seemed to be just a little bit easier if he didn't see what was coming.

Mr. Johnson pounded into Daniel's midsection, doubling him over instantly. Daniel fell to the floor, although he knew that would bring him no relief. Next, he gasped as Mr. Johnson's knee connected with his stomach. As Daniel wheezed on the floor in a heap, Mr. Johnson pulled Daniel's ear to his mouth.

"I won the award because of all of the great work I did with you. Now people might not think you're a waste of space. You should be kissing the ground I walk on," the man hissed.

He pulled Daniel up to a standing position by his hair and lowered himself so he was staring right into Daniel's eyes. Daniel looked away, but Mr. Johnson roughly moved his face to look at him again.

"Cry for me, boy. Cry for me," Mr. Johnson seethed, his grip painfully crushing Daniel's arms.

So Daniel did, not being able to help himself from doing it anyway. A moment later, Mr. Johnson resumed his lesson, a smile his face.

"Why a two packer, Daniel?" Jack asked.

"Why? To quote the words of Matt Damon's character in the _Good Will Hunting_ movie, because f-ck him, that's why," Daniel said as he walked away from Jack to the edge again. "F-ck you, you son of a bitch!"

Jack watched as Daniel fumbled for his pack of cigarettes in his pocket. Jack sighed as he walked over to join Daniel at the edge. If nothing else, Jack could help keep Daniel calm as he told him his painful story.

"Hey, I saw that movie, too. Forced to, actually, thanks to the woman I was dating at the time," Jack said. "It's not your fault, Daniel. None of it is."

"What?" Daniel said, confused.

"It's not your fault," Jack said seriously as he put his arm around Daniel's shoulders. "Wanna hug it out?"

Daniel began to laugh at Jack, realizing he was quoting from the movie as well, and Jack began to laugh too. Mission accomplished, Jack thought, as Daniel moved his hand away from his pocket.

"God, would you make a bad actor," Daniel said with a grin as he sat down again.

After Jack sat down next to Daniel, he looked at his friend, and they began to laugh again. They both looked out over the beautiful view, savoring the light moment before the intensely difficult talk continued.

**I know this update was a long time coming, but I'm getting married NEXT MONTH! Hang in there for more, and I will update when I'm not freaking out. As always, thanks for reading and reviewing.**


	15. Like Branding Cattle

"_Why a two packer, Daniel?" Jack asked._

"_Why? To quote the words of Matt Damon's character in the Good Will Hunting movie, because f-ck him, that's why," Daniel said as he walked away from Jack to the edge again. "F-ck you, you son of a bitch!"_

_Jack watched as Daniel fumbled for his pack of cigarettes in his pocket. Jack sighed as he walked over to join Daniel at the edge. If nothing else, Jack could help keep Daniel calm as he told him his painful story._

"_Hey, I saw that movie, too. Forced to, actually, thanks to the woman I was dating at the time," Jack said. "It's not your fault, Daniel. None of it is."_

"_What?" Daniel said, confused._

"_It's not your fault," Jack said seriously as he put his arm around Daniel's shoulders. "Wanna hug it out?"_

_Daniel began to laugh at Jack, realizing he was quoting from the movie as well, and Jack began to laugh too. Mission accomplished, Jack thought, as Daniel moved his hand away from his pocket._

"_God, would you make a bad actor," Daniel said with a grin as he sat down again._

_After Jack sat down next to Daniel, he looked at his friend, and they began to laugh again. They both looked out over the beautiful view, savoring the light moment before the intensely difficult talk continued._

**Chapter 15: Not the Devil We Knew**

"I think I would have gone Rambo by now for sure, complete with the bandana and muscle shirt. Sounds like you already had enough hair to get his trademark mullet," Jack joked after a few minutes.

Daniel continued to smile, appreciating his friend's effort to extend the lighthearted moment.

"Too bad they were fresh out of machine guns at the Quik Stop," Daniel said to make a joke of his own before his smile faded. "But boy, did I fantasize about killing Johnson to end it once and for all. You know that already. Especially when he was having his special one-on-one time with me…I'd pretend that _he_ was the one crying and…and begging for mercy…or…or the one trading cigarettes for his _soul_…instead of me. But it was…complicated. You know that too."

Daniel pulled a cigarette out of the small pack in his pocket, his shoulders again tight with emotion.

"How did it all end, Daniel?" Jack asked, feeling it was now an appropriate question to ask.

Daniel took a puff of his cigarette and pondered his answer.

"I'll try to start at the _beginning_ of the end before getting to the _end_ of the end. Sorry, I'll try to make it as unconfusing as possible. Jeez, now I'm even making up my own words," Daniel said with only a few breaks in between the words before taking another puff.

"Just…just take it slow, okay? You're talking pretty fast and I want my old brain to keep up," Jack said carefully as to not deter his friend from continuing.

"Sure," Daniel agreed. "Sorry. Anyway, during the last few weeks, it was a lot of the same for me…fighting with Johnson and getting beat to hell for it, stealing anything not nailed down that I could sell, smoking like a chimney, telling whopping lies to everybody… But my grades? I can say that they did continue to steadily improve and I even got accepted into honors classes senior year," Daniel responded.

"Yet, you _still_ had to be a participant in an after-school program for kids with problems?" Jack wondered.

"Actually, not a participant, but a volunteer. I graduated to being his 'program assistant'," Daniel answered.

"Are you _kidding_ me? What jackass made you do that?" Jack asked.

"You're looking at him," Daniel said with a small smile and another puff of his cigarette.

"Once again, it would have been a lot easier for you if you were a selfish bastard," Jack noted as he shook his head. "You said that things were a lot of the same until the last few weeks? What changed that you finally made your move?" Jack inquired.

"What changed? Actually, _Johnson_ did," Daniel remembered.

"How so?" the older man asked.

"He stopped being meticulous about keeping the bruises and other effects of the abuse contained to parts of our bodies covered up by clothing. And not just by accident either. He told me one day after punching me in the eye that it was exhilarating for him to see me and the others walking around with his 'lessons' visible for all to see," Daniel continued.

"Like branding cattle," Jack added in disgust.

"I never thought of it like that," Daniel said after a moment of consideration. "I suppose you're right. In light of this change in his behavior, I became absolutely terrified of what might happen. He was not the devil we knew anymore. I couldn't sleep, couldn't eat…It finally got to the point when I felt I had no choice but to make my move, whether I was prepared to or not. Well, it didn't go down at all the way the way I had planned. I was just a naïve kid, after all."

Daniel gave another humorless snort before flicking his cigarette over the edge. Jack saw the tears glistening in his friend's eyes he continued his recount of that day's events.

"Yeah. Could have used your strategic mind that day, Jack..." Daniel muttered.

_"What?!"_ Charlotte hissed in a low voice. "You're _crazy_! Don't you do it, Daniel. _Don't_ you do it! _Please_! It won't work!"

"I have to! I'm graduating this year, Charlotte. And if I'm not here…This has to end. I know that now. We can't wait longer," Daniel whispered back.

"Show me," she finally said a few moments later, her voice shaking.

As Mr. Johnson was out of the room for the moment, Daniel did as his young friend asked and reached down to slowly unzip his backpack that he had resting on the floor between his feet. He ducked his head down quickly to carefully separate the sweatshirt inside of it to reveal a six-inch knife that he had swiped from his foster mom's kitchen early that morning. It had been a secret burden that he had carried around all day, feeling as if it had weighed a thousand pounds instead of mere ounces. Daniel had already thrown up three times that day from nerves.

"I've thought a lot about this, okay? I'll only be seventeen for a few more months. If they charge me, and I mean IF, I probably won't be tried as an adult," Daniel said as he slipped the knife into the front pocket of his sweatshirt. "I don't care anyway. At least I won't have to live with him either way. "

"I'm scared for you," Charlotte said as her eyes filled with tears.

"Don't cry," Daniel said, hearing his voice shake as well. "Please, I need you to keep it together. For me."

Charlotte nodded and bit her upper lip in a show of strength and support.

"You sure you don't want me to say anything to the other kids?" Charlotte asked.

"No. Just do as I asked. Get the other kids out when it starts to go down," Daniel instructed.

Charlotte nodded conspiratorially. When Mr. Johnson re-entered the room after saying goodbye to Mrs. Green, he shut the door behind him.

"Finally class, we are alone. No more distracting noises or interruptions. The building to ourselves. Now, where were we?" he asked as he walked past Daniel on his way to the front of the room.

When doing so, he smacked Daniel on the back of the head.

"Throw out the gum now, Mr. Jackson. You know the rules," he said, turning around to face the rest of the class when he reached the blackboard. He pointed at the trashcan next to his desk.

Daniel glanced at Charlotte before getting up. Showtime.

"You know what, teach? Screw you!" Daniel said before defiantly blowing a big bubble.

It popped loudly, in stark contrast to the complete silence in the rest of the room. The children gasped as Daniel had expected. He was counting on their reaction to fuel Mr. Johnson's fury.

"I'll pretend that you did not just say that, _if_ you respectfully throw out your gum NOW, take your seat, and shut your mouth!" the teacher yelled.

"You got it!" Daniel answered before literally spitting out the gum.

Children's eyes all around him widened as the pink wad of gum arced in the air before landing a few feet short of the trash can next to Mr. Johnson's desk.

"Do I get points for distance?" Daniel asked, hoping that his big smile would distract Mr. Johnson from his shaking hand that was now reaching inside the front pocket of his sweatshirt to rest on the knife.

"Get…up…here…now and throw out your gum _properly_!" Mr. Johnson yelled.

"You got it," Daniel repeated as he headed to the front of the classroom.

Daniel leaned down to pick up the gum, intending to provoke the teacher until he told him to get into the closet. He didn't want the younger kids to be traumatized by witnessing the stabbing or whatever went down. However, Daniel did not anticipate Mr. Johnson's next move. The older man grabbed the hood of Daniel's sweatshirt and whipped him around. Daniel lost the grip on the knife. It fell out of his pocket, hit the floor, and skidded a few feet before stopping.

Daniel joined the kids in gasping this time. Mr. Johnson threw Daniel to the floor and he landed close to the knife. Daniel was frozen with terror as he slowly took his eyes off of the knife to look up to the teacher.

"Go ahead. Pick it up. I dare you, you little son of a bitch," Johnson said before he began to laugh loudly. "I'm almost impressed with you at this moment. _Almost_."

Daniel's heart began to pound as his mind raced to figure out his next move.

"Pick it UP!" Johnson yelled. "If you don't, _I_ will. At least this way, you'll have a chance. A _slim_ chance, but a chance none-the-less."

Johnson began to laugh again, not even stopping when Charlotte and some of the other kids began to scream.

**Sorry about the cliffhanger, but I wanted to reassure people that I am working on this story. Just a couple more chapters to go now, I think. I hope you are still enjoying the story. I appreciate you coming back to read it!**


	16. White Hot and Ice Cold

_Daniel leaned down to pick up the gum, intending to provoke the teacher until he told him to get into the closet. He didn't want the younger kids to be traumatized by witnessing the stabbing or whatever went down. However, Daniel did not anticipate Mr. Johnson's next move. The older man grabbed the hood of Daniel's sweatshirt and whipped him around. Daniel lost the grip on the knife. It fell out of his pocket, hit the floor, and skidded a few feet before stopping._

_Daniel joined the kids in gasping this time. Mr. Johnson threw Daniel to the floor and he landed close to the knife. Daniel was frozen with terror as he slowly took his eyes off of the knife to look up to the teacher._

"_Go ahead. Pick it up. I dare you, you little son of a bitch," Johnson said before he began to laugh loudly. "I'm almost impressed with you at this moment. __Almost__."_

_Daniel's heart began to pound as his mind raced to figure out his next move._

"_Pick it UP!" Johnson yelled. "If you don't, __I__ will. At least this way, you'll have a chance. A __slim__ chance, but a chance none-the-less."_

_Johnson began to laugh again, not even stopping when Charlotte and some of the other kids began to scream._

**Chapter 16: White Hot and Ice Cold**

"Are you serious, Daniel?" Jack asked in disbelief. "If you weren't standing here in front of me, I wouldn't have believed that you could have made it out of there alive."

"Almost didn't," Daniel muttered, his expression grave. "Not everyone was so lucky."

Jack sighed and looked out over the cliff at the twinkling scene below, not wanting to see Daniel light another cigarette before continuing perhaps the most difficult part of his story.

"Silence!" Johnson ordered the children. "I'm sure Mr. Jackson would appreciate a quiet moment to weigh his options."

The screaming in the room instantly lowered to crying and whimpers. Daniel glanced from Mr. Johnson to Charlotte and then finally at the knife.

"Too bad you're such a weakling, hmm?" Johnson asked. "Because there is no way that you can take me without the knife."

Daniel knew the teacher was right. The element of surprise was gone now and Johnson had weight and height on his side. If he wasn't at least armed...With a shaking hand, Daniel reached his hand across the floor, clutched the weapon, and then stood. After taking a deep breath, he raised it in front of him.

"Well, let's go. Come at me, or did you plan some other method of _attack_?" Johnson taunted him with a smile.

Daniel couldn't help the tears that filled his eyes. He was more scared than he had ever been in his life and now that it was time to do it, he didn't know if he could actually go through with it, no matter how many times he had fantasized about it over the years. What would his parents think? Was it okay to hurt or kill someone to protect others? He didn't know anymore. He didn't know _anything_ anymore.

"Can we move this along?" Johnson asked calmly. "I'll even help you. On the count of three, I'm going to come at you. May the best man win. Ready?"

"One…"

Daniel closed his eyes and whispered to his parents that he loved them and was sorry.

"Two…"

Daniel prayed to God to protect the children, no matter what happened, and opened his eyes.

"Three!"

Daniel yelled and charged at Johnson as well, pleased when he knocked the older man to the ground. Johnson's hands shot up to grab the knife, but Daniel was not about to give it up so easily. He wrenched his hand around to break the hold on his wrists. However, Johnson would not give up so easily either. Suddenly, in one quick motion, Johnson pushed Daniel to the side and rolled on top of him. He kneed Daniel in the stomach, in an effort to break his concentration and hold on the knife. Daniel yelled again, but still held tight to the weapon.

"I'm almost impressed again, you piece of crap. But you can't beat me. You're not stronger than me. Not in mind…or BODY!" Johnson yelled as he unexpectedly thrust Daniel's hand down.

Daniel gasped when white hot pain suddenly radiated out from his stomach. Momentarily paralyzed by shock, he did not move when Johnson pushed off of him. Looking down, Daniel saw that his hand was still clutching the knife, but it was now partially jabbed into his side. He pulled it out and stared at it for a moment while the realization that he had been stabbed sunk in.

"Now look what you did! Did you really have to take your life in _my_ classroom? I tried to stop you, but I couldn't. Such a tragedy. Such promise wasted, right, children?" Johnson asked the class.

Daniel shakily stood up, the knife slipping from his now slick hand and clattering to the floor. He looked around at the frightened faces of the children who too looked frozen in shock. He had failed, _and_ Johnson would call it a suicide? His life…and now his death…had saved no one. Would it even go so far as Johnson turning this into a way to get back on TV and in the newspapers? Daniel had no doubt that answer was yes. However, he could spend no more time thinking about it when he began to feel lightheaded and fell to the floor on his knees.

"Call an ambulance!" Charlotte yelled bravely, breaking the silence.

"No one speaks!" Daniel heard Johnson yell over the low hum that now filled his ears. "No one moves! Mr. Johnson has made his choice!"

Suddenly, Daniel's attention was pulled to the left side of the room when Adam shot up from his seat and dashed for the door.

_NO!_ _Sit down!_ Daniel wanted to scream at the brave little boy. All Daniel could manage was a gasp. The pain was taking away his breath now and he couldn't seem to catch it. He fell back onto the floor now, writhing around on the hard surface for any position that would give even an _ounce_ of relief from the crushing intensity of the pain. He got his wish when his ears began to whine loudly and his vision went black…

"Please…please wake up," Daniel heard Charlotte whimper into his ear. He could also feel her hand on his cheek. It felt so warm…Then the pain returned, slamming into him with such force that he cried out.

"Adam ran out…Johnson went after him. Said if any of us leave this room, he'll kill us too. What do we do? What do we do! Don't die, please. Don't anybody die," Charlotte pleaded, her words coming out so fast Daniel almost couldn't understand her.

"Help…me…get…up," Daniel gasped a moment later. With strength that he didn't know he had, Daniel sat up and then stood with her assistance. He was surprised that his legs held him. He paused a moment, to let the room stop spinning and to try and push the pain out of his mind. To ignore the large blood stain on his clothes and the pool of it on the floor. He had to focus.

"Barricade the door behind me. I'll get help," Daniel managed to whisper.

"No, I'll go," Charlotte said. "You-."

"No," Daniel firmly cut her off. Charlotte nodded and helped him to the door. Daniel was so focused on his task, that he didn't even see the other children. As soon as he stepped out of the classroom, he paused and leaned against the wall for a moment until he was sure he heard the desks being pushed in front of the door.

Looking up and down the empty hallway, Daniel decided that he had to get to the office for the phone while at the same time looking for Adam. However, the destination would not be reached as quickly as Daniel would have hoped. He only made it five feet before he had to lower himself to the floor in absolute agony. Daniel resolved that he would _not_ let himself black out again or worse until he saved Adam and every last one of the other kids. Heading for the stairs on his hands and knees now, Daniel breathed heavily through clenched teeth that soon began to chatter. He had felt chilled before, but now he felt as if he had been dipped in ice cold water.

_Just a little bit farther_ Daniel chanted to himself over and over as he turned the corner. Daniel's eyes went wide when there are the end of the hallway at the top of the stairs was Johnson pulling on Adam who had a death grip on the railing.

"Leave him alone!" Daniel attempted to yell, but was unable to make much of a sound at all. Keeping his eyes glued on the struggling pair, he tried to hurry his crawling along, but it was felt like he was traversing quicksand.

Suddenly, the pair tumbled down the stairs and were gone. Daniel whimpered and tears sprang to his eyes in fear for the little boy. After what felt like an eternity, Daniel finally reached the edge of the top of the stairs and looked down. There at the bottom of the staircase, twisted in an unnatural position and eyes staring wide and unblinking, was Adam. Johnson was gone.

**Thanks for reading and reviewing another chapter. Hang in there and check back soon for the next!**


	17. Just a Little Bit Farther

_Looking up and down the empty hallway, Daniel decided that he had to get to the office for the phone while at the same time looking for Adam. However, the destination would not be reached as quickly as Daniel would have hoped. He only made it five feet before he had to lower himself to the floor in absolute agony. Daniel resolved that he would not let himself black out again or worse until he saved Adam and every last one of the other kids. Heading for the stairs on his hands and knees now, Daniel breathed heavily through clenched teeth that soon began to chatter. He had felt chilled before, but now he felt as if he had been dipped in ice cold water._

_Just a little bit farther Daniel chanted to himself over and over as he turned the corner. Daniel's eyes went wide when there are the end of the hallway at the top of the stairs was Johnson pulling on Adam who had a death grip on the railing._

"_Leave him alone!" Daniel attempted to yell, but was unable to make much of a sound at all. Keeping his eyes glued on the struggling pair, he tried to hurry his crawling along, but it was felt like he was traversing quicksand._

_Suddenly, the pair tumbled down the stairs and was gone from sight. Daniel whimpered and tears sprang to his eyes in fear for the little boy. After Daniel finally reached the edge of the top of the stair, he looked down. There at the bottom of the staircase, twisted in an unnatural position and eyes staring wide and unblinking, was Adam. Johnson was gone._

**Chapter 17: Just a Little Bit Farther**

Daniel was frozen in place for a moment, finding himself unable to move or tear his eyes away from the horrific scene below. He didn't yell or even cry as he half crawled, half slid, down the staircase to where his young friend now laid. With unnecessary care, Daniel maneuvered Adam's head onto his lap. Not even bothering to check for a pulse, Daniel gently pushed the boy's eyelids closed. A moment later, Daniel slipped his sweatshirt off over his head and placed it on the floor in a ball, amazed that the pain of his wound had started to ebb. He didn't know if that was good or not. With equal tenderness, he moved Adam's head onto the sweatshirt. Without another glance, Daniel continued his journey to the office on his hands and knees.

Despite the pain being largely absent at the moment, the complete exhaustion that now pulled on Daniel as he made his way down the hallway worked equally against him. Frequently, his hands and knees slipped or buckled underneath him, but still he did not stop. He knew he could not afford even the smallest rest. After what felt like an eternity, Daniel reached the bend in the hallway that led to the office on the right and ended with the double doors that led outside. _You can do it. Just a little bit farther,_ Daniel chanted over and over to himself now as he rounded the corner.

As he crawled the last few feet to the office door, Daniel felt almost giddy with his achievement. As soon as he phoned for help, the other kids would be okay and he could finally sleep. Daniel reached the small distance up for the doorknob and turned it. Dread filled Daniel's stomach at the reality that naively he had not considered. The door was locked! Daniel slumped against the wooden door and began to cry in frustration. The heaves woke up the pain in his stomach with a vengeance and he cried out, gasping now for air and pleading for the numbness to return. As if his survival instinct was again kicking in, Daniel's brain screamed at him to focus not on the pain, but on finding a solution to his latest predicament. Could he pick the lock? No, he had nothing to use. Could he kick in the door? Unlikely, as he could not even stand. Could he break the glass window? Nothing in sight to do that either, and it was also unlikely that he had enough strength to create the necessary impact. His eyes glanced at the double doors at the end of the hallway. If he could not get into the office to use the phone, then he would have to leave the building to get help. Wiping away the last of the tears and resuming his crawling position, Daniel slowly headed for his new destination. His stomach protested the movement and the feeling as if he was being repeatedly stabbed by a hot poker stayed constant now. He thought longingly of his sweatshirt. It was so cold now. So very cold.

With an almost primal yell, Daniel pushed on the metal bar to open the door. He tumbled out onto the small concrete landing and down the two steps. Ending up sprawled on his back, Daniel couldn't help but be amazed by the sunset that he now saw in the sky above him. There was still beauty in this world somewhere. Trying to focus again on the task at hand, Daniel willed himself to get up, to _move_, but the pain that radiated out of his stomach now seemed to have taken over control of his limbs and they would not cooperate. Maybe in a few minutes he would feel okay to move. He'd give himself just a few minutes. If only he had a cigarette. That would warm him up, calm his nerves. He watched the pink and purple tinted clouds glide across the sky as he waited for his strength to return.

Daniel, still unable to move, startled when he soon heard a car turning into the parking lot. With a jolt of fear, Daniel prayed that Johnson was not coming back to finish him off. He tried again to make his uncooperative body move. A new wave of agony hit him and he clenched his eyes shut, trying to breath through it. This time the pain did not pass or lessen and his spent body began to shake uncontrollably. Defenseless while writhing in agony, Daniel listened as the car stopped at the curb next to him. The car door opened…

"Daniel?" Ms. Carol asked in confusion, followed quickly by, "Oh my God! What happened?!!"

Although he would likely never forgive himself for what happened to Adam, Daniel still managed a small smile through the unbearable pain, knowing that it was over now. Johnson would not be coming back. Ms. Carol would fix everything. The children were now free. Finally letting go, Daniel slipped away into the darkness…

* * *

"Mr. Jackson?"

Although the male voice sounded as if it was a thousand miles away, Daniel was pulled from blissful unconsciousness. He first became aware of the pain. Itt was a dull kind that covered his whole body like a heavy blanket, but uncomfortable none-the-less. Adding to his discomfort, Daniel's mouth and throat felt dry and he was unsure if he could respond. Daniel was relieved to discover that he could move his fingers and toes, and decided bravely to open his eyes and try. Through his blurry vision, he could make out the face of an older Caucasian man who was annoyingly flashing a small light in his eyes.

"Daniel," Daniel whispered weakly as his vision cleared.

It would be a long time before he wanted to hear anyone call him Mr. Jackson.

"Oh, thank God," Daniel heard Ms. Carol exclaim tearfully from somewhere else in the room.

Daniel was relieved to hear the voice of a friend. This doctor he did not know.

"Daniel? I'm Dr. Anders. You're in the hospital. Do you remember what brought you here?" the doctor inquired.

"We'll ask the questions, sir. Thank you. Son?" A man asked before leaning into view. He was wearing a blue uniform and hat. The police? Daniel wondered with a shock. Suddenly, the memory of the recent events slammed into him and he instantly began to panic. They would ask questions about Johnson. About Adam. What _did_ happen to the other kids? Were they okay? He heard a beeping from someone nearby increase in intensity.

"Give him a minute, will ya?" Daniel heard another man say before pushing his way into Daniel's view.

Daniel's mouth dropped. It was his grandfather!

**Just a little bit more...Thanks for coming back. Hope you liked it and don't forget to review!**


	18. The End

"_Daniel? I'm Dr. Anders. You're in the hospital. Do you remember what brought you here?" the doctor inquired._

"_We'll ask the questions, sir. Thank you. Son?" A man asked before leaning into view. He was wearing a blue uniform and hat. The police? Daniel wondered with a shock. Suddenly, the memory of the recent events slammed into him and he instantly began to panic. They would ask questions about Johnson. About Adam. What __did__ happen to the other kids? Were they okay? He heard a beeping from someone nearby increase in intensity._

"_Give him a minute, will ya?" Daniel heard another man say before pushing his way into Daniel's view._

_Daniel's mouth dropped. It was his grandfather!_

**Chapter 18: The End**

"Wow," Jack said before giving a low whistle. "Good old Gramps, huh? Didn't see that one coming."

"Yeah," Daniel said. "Shocked me speechless. I was dying to talk to him, but the police made me give them a statement first. One of the many times I had to meet with them. That was really hard, having to talk about what happened over and over, you know? Anyway, after the officers left, the doctor wouldn't let my grandfather back in, saying I needed to rest. I got pretty sick of hearing that from everyone there. I didn't get to talk to my grandfather until the next day."

"How'd that go? When you got to finally talk to your grandfather?" Jack added quickly, deciding to let Daniel's meetings with the police alone.

"Understandably awkard. We hadn't seen each other since my parents' funeral," Daniel answered as he pulled out his pack of cigarettes. One left. Before continuing his story, Daniel put the cigarette up to his mouth, but did not light it.

"Hey, kid," his grandfather said as he walked into the hospital room the next morning as if they saw each other all of the time.

"Uh," was all Daniel could manage, unsure of what to say first.

"So...," his grandfather began as he pulled over a plastic chair to the bed and sat down, suddenly looking uncomfortable.

"Water?" Daniel rasped.

"Of course," his grandfather said, visibly relaxing before reaching for the styrofoam cup on the night stand, as if glad to avoid the topic at hand.

After his grandfather helped Daniel hold up his head and placed the straw to his lips, Daniel eagerly took a few sips before his grandfather laid his head back down. The small movement was exhausting and Daniel couldn't help but close his eyes for a moment. However, he opened them again quickly, afraid if he didn't, his grandfather would disappear.

"How long have I been here?" Daniel asked, not remembering if someone had told him that already.

"A little over a week. You lost alot of blood and...well, it was pretty touch and go there for awhile," his grandfather answered.

"Oh," Daniel said as he digested the information.

"Well, I'm…uh…I'm glad that you're going to be okay," his grandfather said.

"How did he find out that you were in the hospital?" Jack inquired. "I thought he didn't stay in touch with you."

"He didn't," Daniel said. "But I later learned that the welfare office kept his information on file in case of an emergency. Someone called him from there."

"Huh," Jack said. "What else did he say to you?"

"Nothing. We spent the rest of the time just watching t.v.," Daniel explained. "Sports, I think. My memory of those first couple of days after waking up is pretty sketchy though, thanks to the morphine."

"T.V.?" Jack asked. "Guess he likes to avoid the elephant in the room as much as I do."

"I didn't want to talk about it anyway, you know? Just having him there was enough," Daniel explained.

"How did your foster parents take it?" Jack asked.

"Blamed themselves. They didn't say so, but I could see it in their faces when they visited every day after work. But I don't think anyone blamed themselves as much as Ms. Carol..."

That evening Daniel woke to the sound of sobbing as the last images of his nightmare slipped out of his memory, another beneficial side effect of the drugs. He noticed Ms. Carol standing by his window, looking out.

"Ms. Carol?" Daniel asked as he shifted slightly to find a more confortable position. "Are you okay?"

"Am I okay? Am_ I_ okay?" she sobbed. "I'm so sorry, Daniel. So very sorry! I should have noticed-."

"It's okay," Daniel said, cutting her off. He had no beef with her. She didn't do anything wrong.

"Please. Let me finish," she said as she wiped her cheeks with a tissue even though more tears took their place. "I should have recognized the signs. I…I..it's still so difficult to believe that all of this happened to you and the other children right under my nose. Right under all of our noses."

Daniel remained silent as he watched her tortured face, his heart going out to her. He was beginning to realize that the pain of this whole situation was not over after all, for him or those around him. It made him angry all of the sudden, that Johnson still had that power and control over their emotions.

"What happened to him?" Daniel asked, still unable to say the man's name outloud. "To the other kids? Adam?" No one would tell him what the hell was going on, telling him to focus on his recovery instead. To not worry. That made him mad as hell too. Ms. Carol did not answer, but Daniel could read the hesitation in her face easily enough. "_Please_."

"Daniel, the doctor asked that we not-," Ms. Carol began.

Daniel yelled and picked up the vase of flowers next to his bed, hurling it at the wall. It smashed on impact. Daniel cried out, curling in on himself from the sharp pain that now pieced his side from throwing the vase. Daniel squeezed his eyes shut, waiting for the agony to pass. When he opened them, he saw that Ms. Carol was now moving to sit down in the chair.

"You're right. You of all people deserve to know," she decided, as if trying to convince herself that she was doing the right thing.

Daniel took a few deep breaths, to both calm himself and ready himself for what he was about to hear.

"First of all, J...Johnson was captured. Two days later. The found him a couple of states over. He's in custody."

Tears filled Daniel's eyes now and he turned his head so Ms. Carol wouldn't see. He didn't want her to think he couldn't handle hearing this. Just hearing his name made him sick, but he _had _to know.

"Adam," she said before swallowing another sob. "Well, you know."

Daniel nodded his head, trying to inconspicuosly wipe the tears away.

"The other kids are...physically okay. Shaken up though. And worried about you. They all want to visit. You got their get well card, of course," she said, glancing up at the brightly colored home made card on Daniel's bulletin board across from his bed.

"What's going to happen...to him?" Daniel asked.

"That I don't know," Ms. Carol said honestly. "The investigation is just getting started."

"Does everybody know?" Daniel asked.

"Not everything of course. Just that Adam died at the school and Johnson was arrested," Ms. Carol answered as she put a hand on Daniel's and began to rub circles on it with her thumb. "But no one blames you for anything. Do you understand me? Not for _any_ of it and especially not for what happened to Adam."

"I did blame myself, though," Daniel said as he continued to hold the unlit cigarette to his lips. "No matter what she or anyone else said. The hours I laid in bed were consumed with reviewing the events in my mind over and over again to see what I could have done differently."

"What do you think now? You still blame yourself?" Jack asked.

"I was in the hospital for about another two weeks before they let me leave," Daniel said next, avoiding answering his friend's question. "And my grandfather stuck around. For awhile anyway."

"Hey, kid," Daniel's grandfather said in greeting as he entered Daniel's bedroom. Daniel, who was reading in bed, closed his school book and put it aside.

"Doing some homework?" his grandfather asked after a long pause.

"Yeah," Daniel answered before picking up a book on his night stand. "Although I would rather be reading this book that you gave me about Egypt."

"It was a gift that I had given your father when he was a teenager, you know, when he and your mom were first dating. He didn't want to put it down either," his grandfather answered.

"Really?" Daniel asked as he ran his hand over the worn leather cover.

"You're alot like him," his grandfather said. "And your mother. That's why...that's why I didn't come to see you after the funeral. When I look at you, I see her and that's still like a knife to my heart every time. I knew that I couldn't give you what you needed...and definitely couldn't adopt you. It's not right, putting all of that on you, and I'm...I'm sorry."

Daniel nodded and put the book down. He had already guessed at what his grandfather admitted, but it still hurt to hear it confirmed outloud.

"But none of that means that I don't love you...or think about you every day. My life's no place for a kid anyway. Traveling all over the world, working non-stop hours," his grandfather quickly added before pausing. "That's actually why I wanted to come by today. I've cherished our time together, these past few weeks, but it's time that I leave. I have to go to Belize. It's an opportunity that I can't pass up. I hope you understand. Okay?"

Daniel's mouth dropped, not wanting to believe what he just heard. His grandfather was _leaving_? Now? Just when they were getting to know each other again? Was his grandfather's work that important to him or was being with Daniel not worth the emotional pain? Daniel decided that it didn't matter. Wouldn't change the outcome. Doing his best to hide the sadness and complete disappointment from his face, Daniel nodded at his grandfather.

"I'm glad that you understand. One more thing before I go. Here. This is for you," his grandfather said as he handed him a plain white envelope. "Don't open it until I leave, okay?"

Daniel nodded a third time, not wanting to risk his voice betraying how he was really feeling.

"I'll stay in touch this time, okay, kid?" his grandfather said as Daniel took the envelope.

Daniel gave a fourth nod, not believing him.

"Bye kid," the grandfather said before suddenly and uncharacteristically giving him a kiss on the top of his head.

With shaking hands, Daniel opened the envelope. Inside was a letter and a check made out for him in an amount that made Daniel's jaw drop again. The letter read:

"Daniel,

Please accept this check for your college education. So much as been taken away from you.

I don't want your dreams taken away too.

The world, past AND present, awaits you."

Grandpa

Angry tears filled Daniel's eyes and ripped up the letter, throwing the pieces into the air. Still he felt compelled to stiffly climb out of bed to look out his bedroom window. He watched as his grandfather drove away and wondered when, or if, he would see him again. Daniel was furious at himself that he had gotten so attached to his grandfather so quickly. He vowed that it would be a long time before he would let that happen again. People hurt. He picked up his father's book about Egypt and began to read the words that he had already read many times before, soon losing himself in the ancient world.

"Wow," Jack said again. "Did he stay in touch?"

"Not really. He was obsessed with his work as I later became about mine. Runs in the family I guess. But when we did talk about our work, it always turned into an argument," Daniel said. "I guess bull headedness ran in the family too."

"What happened to Johnson after all was said and done?" Jack asked.

"Plea bargained to involuntary manslaughter in exhange for all child abuse charges against him being dropped. Can you believe that? Guess everyone just wanted all the unpleasantness to go away," Daniel answered. "I should count myself lucky that Johnson didn't end up filing charges against me."

"Against _you_? Why?" Jack asked. "It was self-defense! All of it!"

"Not really. I brought the knife and instigated the confrontation. Pre-meditation," Daniel explained.

"Bull," Jack said before saying a number of obsenities in quick succession.

"I guess we should be thankful that he went to jail and that none of us had to testify. Because if I had to see him again? I don't know if I could have done it," Daniel said.

"Daniel?" Jack asked after a moment of silence. "I asked you a question before that I want you to answer before we leave."

Daniel sighed.

"I haven't forgotten. Do I still blame myself, right?"

"Right," Jack confirmed.

"You know? I think...I think that I did the best I could at the time," Daniel answered as he looked down at the cigarette in his hand. Without another word, he put it back in the pack and threw it over the edge of the cliff.

Jack nodded, satisfied with Daniel's response.

"Thank you," Daniel said quietly, knowing his friend would understand how important his support on this night had been.

"You're welcome," Jack answered.

"I'm ready to go now," Daniel said with finality.

* * *

Two weeks later, Daniel returned to work. He had wanted to start back right away, but Jack insisted that a couple of weeks alone at his cabin fishing was the necessary final part of Daniel's recovery. Daniel didn't have the heart to tell Jack that he had stayed inside the whole time reading.

That evening, when Daniel pushed open the door open and stepped into the parking lot, he practically ran into his friend Jansen Roberts, a med tech, who had stopped not far from the door to rifle through his backpack.

"Hey, Jackson," the young man said. "Sorry about that. Been a hell of a day, huh?"

A hell of a few _weeks_, Daniel thought silently.

"Yeah," Daniel agreed, knowing the man was referring to the team that had barely made it back through the stargate from a mission gone bad.

"Yes! Thought I had some left," the man exclaimed as he pulled out his hand from his bag. "I'm sorry. I don't want to be rude. Want one?"

Daniel's eyes fell to the man's hand where he held out a pack of cigarettes.

Daniel's heart began to race and after pausing a moment, opened his mouth to answer...

**The End**

**Can you believe the story is finally over? Thank you to all my wonderful readers and reviewers. I hope you enjoyed the story as a whole, as well as the conclusion. Don't be mad that I didn't write whether or not Daniel took the cigarette. I simply wished to convey that dealing with being a victim of child abuse can be a life long process and one never knows when one will be confronted with a trigger to a memory of it. How one reacts to the trigger can vary from day to day. Do you think Daniel took the cigarette? **

* * *


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